Sexy metal jacket
So, uh, what's the deal with hyper sexualized robots and AI holograms? I mean, I get that robots and AI in general could be pretty useful in furthering the progress of mankind so long as they don't go Terminator on us (which they probably will). But there's just something utterly bizarre about purposely creating them to look like half-naked ladies with metal clothes or binary code birthday suits.
Some just look a bit too human; others have completely unnecessary features that serve no practical purpose on a machine. So, having already written about the most uncomfortably sexy video game animals, we thought it time to discuss man-made creations with deceiving designs. Starting with...
7. Orianna (League of Legends)
If not for the fact that her gears are plainly visible, you might mistake Orianna for an incredibly pale woman. Her golden hair maintains a stylish shape no matter how fiercely she skips along the Summoner's Rift, and she's also quite fashionable. Sometimes she rocks a goth outfit ripped straight from the early 2000s, while one of her other go-to getups is handsewn (though a bit horrific).
But remember: Orianna is a killing machine created by a grieving father, who modeled her after his dead daughter. As if that's not unsettling enough, she utters terrifying catchphrases that only an emotionless machine could say while maiming living creatures. Such as: "So strange, they scream," and "Why do they keep breaking?" Yeah no thanks.
6. Robo (Chrono Trigger)
We know what you're thinking: "Waaaaaait a second, why's Robo on this list at all?" But hold up, think about this for a second. Robo's a classic case of the whole "don't judge a book by its cover" expression. He might look like an average robot on the outside, but in reality he's an incredibly smooth talker that can woo anyone he desires.
For instance: the first time you meet Robo, he does two completely unexpected things. First, he dances like a maniac, exhibiting such a pure display of passion that it's impossible not to be impressed. Then he blares that adorable Rick Astley song from his built-in speakers to let you know that his loyalty is unfaltering. He's also got great mannerisms, as he calls everyone he meets either "sir" or "madam." Just be wary of his tendency to jettison his metal plating, as if to give you a quick look at what's underneath the hood. Sexy on the inside, indeed.
5. Alpha-152 (Dead or Alive)
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But when that translates to kidnapping the world's greatest martial artist, procuring her DNA, then using that to create a naked, inhuman creature with a naked body seemingly made of Jello, you know things have gotten out of hand.
Such is the case of Alpha-152, created from the DNA of fighter Kasumi. For whatever reason, this AI recreation has deemed clothing entirely unnecessary, instead opting to make her nude body shimmer with a translucent green color as she destroys everything in her path. One thing she has deemed necessary: boob physics.
4. EDI (Mass Effect)
Once upon a time, EDI was simply a super helpful AI that looked like one of those lightning balls you'd buy from a gag shop. And then Mass Effect 3 happened. Suddenly the Normandy's argumentative artificial intelligence found herself a gynoid body--none other than a synthetic assassin impersonating the doctor Eva Core.
That's when things started to get a little strange. EDI and Joker used to have trouble seeing eye to eye, but once the AI obtained a synthetic body--a well defined female one at that--Joker began developing feelings for her. Disconcerting, when you consider it would only take one bad fight for either of them to interface with the Normandy and blow shit up in a fit of rage. Still, we'll never forget Legion's comment upon seeing EDI's new form, stating that it's "inefficient because it is top-heavy and lacks an external epidermis, which would be necessary for infiltration."
3. Zero (Mega Man Zero)
The scene: You're in a bar, desperately hoping that perfect someone will walk into your life. As you're pounding your fifth O'Douls, the door creaks open. You glance over to the side, and your eyes freeze on the golden locks flowing from the head of what appears to be a robot? Yes, there's no mistaking it now. But the hair, it's so magnificent the way it falls across a stylish layout of ornate metal plating, finished with such a bold color scheme that it makes your head spin. That's the alluring power of Zero.
Originally created as a new design for Mega Man, Zero became a whole new character all his own. This sword-wielding Maverick Hunter is the metallic embodiment of sheer power and fanciful grace. And while it's rarely clear as to which direction his moral compass ultimately points, one thing is absolutely certain: Zero is a robot's robot.
2. KOS-MOS (Xenosaga)
"Hey gurl, what's your name? Cosmos? Oh, because you're from out of this world?" If you were to attempt such an awful pick-up line on one of the most deadliest robots known to man, two things would probably happen immediately after. First, KOS-MOS might correct you by letting you know her name is actually a recursive acronym that stands for Kosmos Obey Strategical Multiple Operation Systems (doesn't have quite the same ring to it, eh?). Second, her eyes would turn red, which is the last thing you'll ever see before she opens her abdomen and destroys you with her X-Buster.
There's no denying KOS-MOs' immense power, but it's impossible not to wonder why a robot feels the need to wear stilettos, thigh-high socks, and clothing that leaves most of her human-looking body needlessly exposed. After seeing what she effortlessly did to the Gnosis, there's no form she could take to be any less terrifying.
1. Cortana (Halo)
It's hard not to feel some sort of affinity toward gaming's most iconic AI hologram, assuming you've played at least a couple of the Halo games. Her playful, witty banter made slaughtering an entire race of aliens as Master Chief far more interesting, and because she was our voice-in-the-ear companion for so many years, knowing she's gone for good is eerily depressing.
And it's that sentimental attachment that made it all the more bizarre to watch Cortana, our pal, become increasingly sexualized over the span of the Halo series. She'd always taken a female form, and her holographic outfit had always been composed of 0s and 1s flowing over her body. But by Halo 4, that outfit became thinner and thinner, and that body more defined and exposed. Still, we'll never forget her companionship, or her final words in the game: "Welcome home, John."
Skinbot, circuits activated
What robots/AIs do you find to be perhaps a tad too sexualized in their appearance or mannerisms? Perhaps Aschen Brodel from Super Robot Taisen, as seen above? You could no doubt browse the roster of almost any Japanese fighting game to find a few more, but if you have any suggestions, let us know in the comments below.
And if you're looking for more Top 7 goodness, check out The Top 7 Gaming theories we actually want to believe and The Top 7... Coolest penguins in gaming.