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  1. Home
  2. Movies

5 Rubbish Comic-Book Superheroes

By Total Film
published 31 August 2011

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s very silly...

  • Comments
Bouncing Boy, AKA Charles Foster Taine

Bouncing Boy, AKA Charles Foster Taine

Special Powers: Inflating himself like a bouncing ball.

Nemesis: Anyone with a pin? Or, in the comics, electro-menace Computo.

Movie Magic: Jonah Hill goes total rotund as the human Space Hopper. Wrestles with rejection from Legion Of Super Heroes before besting Computo (voice: Kevin Spacey) and bedding Triplicate Girl (Emma Stone). Foursome? Tubby triumph!

Page 1 of 5
Page 1 of 5
The Red Bee, AKA Rick Raleigh

The Red Bee, AKA Rick Raleigh

Special Powers: None, but keeps trained bees in his belt. Helpful, no?

Nemesis: Nazis, especially Baron Blitzkrieg. And brattish kids with rolled-up magazines.

Movie Magic: Daniel Radcliffe nails a dream post- Potter franchise, donning striped tights and flappy flesh-hued sleeves as the beekeeper. Rupert Grint buzzes and hovers around annoyingly as his trained bee Michael.

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Page 2 of 5
Cypher, AKA Doug Ramsey

Cypher, AKA Doug Ramsey

Special Powers: Decoding and translating.

Nemesis: New villain The Cryptic Crossword, maybe? Plus, turkey lookalike Bird-Brain.

Movie Magic: Michael Cera slumps into half-action as the human Google Translator who’s so ineffectual, Prof X doesn’t bother training him. Thrill as he destroys prolix new villain the Dangling Modifier (Stephen Fry).

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Page 3 of 5
Disco Dazzler, AKA Ali Blaire

Disco Dazzler, AKA Ali Blaire

Special Powers: Turns sound into disco lights.

Nemesis: The Prog-rocker? The Singer-songwriter? Plus, has spat with Rogue, who just isn’t fabulous enough.

Movie Magic: Dianna Agron shines as the singer who defies dad’s plans for her schooling to become a human iTunes Visualiser with the X factor. Studio notes cross-platform tie-in potential and plans trilogy.

Page 4 of 5
Page 4 of 5
Doll Man, AKA Darrell Dane

Doll Man, AKA Darrell Dane

Special Powers: Shrinking to six inches but keeping full strength. Next summer, ankles will smart...

Nemesis: Terrifying new villain The Infant. Plus, the Queen Of Ants (seriously).

Movie Magic: You little wonder! Tom Cruise plays the chemist who invents a serum to make him shrink. No-one notices the difference as Tiny Tom dangles daringly off vertigo-inducing pavements…

For more comic-book superheroes (including some who are, y'know, good) pick up the new issue of Total Film Magazine . It hits newsstands tomorrow. To subscribe to the magazine, click here .

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Page 5 of 5
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Total Film
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The Total Film team are made up of the finest minds in all of film journalism. They are: Editor Jane Crowther, Deputy Editor Matt Maytum, Reviews Ed Matthew Leyland, News Editor Jordan Farley, and Online Editor Emily Murray. Expect exclusive news, reviews, features, and more from the team behind the smarter movie magazine. 

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