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The 10 greatest mustaches in gaming history

Videogames and facial hair have long had a close bond, be it the soul patch on the Prince of Persia, Gordon Freeman’s goatee, or the five o'clock shadow on every single character made with the Unreal 3 Engine. But while most games have people (mostly men) with some bit of hair growing beneath the nose but above the mouth, there are too few with just a mustache adding character to their faces. Perhaps this list of the standout ‘staches in gaming will remind people how great they are and spur them to get to making more of them.

Mario

If there is one character in gaming that proves the mustache is not only marketable but perfect for any possible merchandisable item, it’s Mario. Ever since his first appearance as Jump Man in Donkey Kong, the mustache has been there. Okay, except when he was a baby, but give him a break, he was just born. He’s been defined and redefined many times, but one thing is certain: this Italian has a mustache.


Above: Gaming mustache perfection

As the legend goes, Mario was given his whiskers because the developers didn’t have enough pixels available to properly indicate a mouth for him in Donkey Kong. So the developers instead just covered that area with a lot of pixels and called it a big mustache. As Nintendo‘s technology improved, they continued to add more definition to his ‘stache, now just a digital, vestigial tail almost three decades old.


Above: Does Mario dye his hair?


Eggman

 
Until their recent truce for the sake of game sales, Mario and Sonic were at odds for many years, with Sega constantly pointing out how Sonic wasn't like Mario. The biggest reason: no facial hair. In fact, Sega seemed to be gunning for those wearing a mustache, as Sonic's nemesis Eggman (or Dr. Robotnik, as he prefers) has a set of lip whiskers that grow weirder, and thus more evil, all the time.


Above: Sometimes anti-hero, always mustachioed

Another possible reason that Eggman keeps his unshaven look is vanity. He has always been bald and fat to an alarming extent, so perhaps the mustache exists to take focus away from the shiny sheen of his scalp and the volume of his fat. Over time, he needed to make it more and more insane-looking to keep his enemies from noticing his hairless crown and flabby midriff.


Above: That is a next-gen ‘stache right there


Dr. Wily

Much like Sonic, Mega Man is troubled by an evil mustachioed scientist who builds robots. But unlike Eggman, Dr. Wily’s fuzz isn’t just there to compensate for his baldness. If Wily didn't have it, he wouldn't look like a mad genius - just a slightly annoying pharmacist. He wears it to let the people of 200X know that he and his robot army are to be feared. Just look at his mustache if you don't believe him.


Above: On top of the lip fur, his hair eventually became bat wings

Or perhaps he wears his mustache to further separate himself from his true enemy, Dr. Light. Light has a fatherly, sagely - nay, divine - beard that instills trust in the devices he builds and raises like children. Wily isn't into that. His robots are tools that had better do as they're told or else. The important question is: did they both always have their respective facial hair, or did one grow his to look different from the other?


Above: God vs Satan – Robots Edition

37 comments

  • MyNameIsMyName - April 23, 2011 2:59 a.m.

    No love for Dudley of Street Fighter fame.
  • Rivenscry - February 4, 2011 5:32 p.m.

    Wait, so you mention Gordon Freeman's moustache but then don't put it on the list? Could you imagine Freeman without his goatee and moustache? No? Didn't think so. Great list though, weird premise, but that's why I keep on coming back to this site.
  • INFINITYGAUNTLET - July 28, 2010 6:19 p.m.

    Gotta give it to Liquid Ocelot.
  • Gsindahouse - April 14, 2009 9:21 p.m.

    Mario and Luigi actually get discounts at stores for their staches on the DS/GBA games if you play them. Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga pretty tight RPGs I might add
  • foarthelulz - April 14, 2009 6:21 p.m.

    what aboutr luigi
  • Forsakenday - April 14, 2009 4:13 p.m.

    What about Snake? Or Liquid? Liquid has a great mustache.
  • Monkey - April 14, 2009 11:49 a.m.

    Daley Thompson (Supertest/Decathlon on speccy) anyone?
  • TedDidlio - April 13, 2009 3:29 p.m.

    I. Love. Mustaches. -Ginger Beefly
  • abombb - April 11, 2009 5:13 a.m.

    Robotnik's mustache conquers all.
  • Ramen_Soup - April 10, 2009 2:49 p.m.

    Dr.Eggman's next gen stash is epic
  • Gotxxrock - April 10, 2009 1:52 p.m.

    Andrew Ryan and Sergeant Avery Johnson, two very pleasant surprises. Master Onion was as well =)
  • deathrebellion - April 10, 2009 11:13 a.m.

    noooooooooooo Old Snake deserved more.......... and Jinpachi and Heiachi tooo (wait did Heiachi have a 'tash?)
  • Cerbeross - April 10, 2009 9:19 a.m.

    What about Harry Tipper from Timesplitter?
  • Kattleox - April 10, 2009 4:19 a.m.

    And Ocelot? What about the awesome mustache of Revolver Ocelot?!
  • Silentboy - April 10, 2009 1:01 a.m.

    It seems that most men with a mustache have catchphrases. Robotnik has "PINKAS" and Peppy has "Do a barrel roll!"
  • thatland - April 10, 2009 12:47 a.m.

    Mario has the best mustach EVER!!!
  • lava_lamp - April 9, 2009 11:05 p.m.

    Salvador Dali was weird but his artwork was awesome
  • skyguy343 - April 9, 2009 10:24 p.m.

    couldnt have this list without captain price
  • Pocotron - April 9, 2009 9:59 p.m.

    HEY!!! What about Snake?! oh, and maybe first if im lucky
  • curly_jefferson - April 15, 2009 2:11 p.m.

    this is funny stuff now i have something to read at work

Showing 1-20 of 37 comments

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