Resident Evil 4

In all honesty, we didn't realize they still peddled shit like this. A console port so insultingly cut-and-pasted that its menu systems make you weep, its refusal to recognize even the existence of a mouse makes you incensed with anger and its insistence on showering one of the greatest games of the past decade in noxious shit makes you gag. Yes, we're pissed off.

Let's imagine you don't have a gamepad and you want to play RE 4 on PC. Well, use your imagination - you're screwed. Controls are entirely keyboard-based - and as soon as one of the game's Indigo Prophecy-style timed button-bashing sequences kicks in, you'll get requests like "Button 5 and button 6!," and you'll be staring at your tildes, inserts and right-shifts in shock, horror and growing nausea. We played this demon-seed with a 360 pad in the end - but even then we had to alt tab out to find out exactly how the buttons were numbered in our computer's control panel.