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Top 7... Blue Ball moments

The game may be over, but where's our happy ending?

Words: Shane Patterson, GamesRadar US

3. Aerith dies - Final Fantasy VII

What happens:
We all remember spending 20 odd hours building up the healing stats of quiet flower girl, Aerith, while being vaguely flirtatious. However, we were completely shocked as evil incarnate - Sephiroth - floated down to drive a big ass sword through Aerith’s torso. Fanboys were speechless, children wept and we were all robbed a hot girl with the best powers in the game. Dammit!


Above: What a dick move

Yes, Aerith’s sacrifice was crucial to the story, because Sephiroth - the dick that he is - made it super personal. You know when you’re talking to a hot chick at a bar and you spend two hours flirting, playing darts and teasing one another? And then the dick you work with walks right up and stabs her to death? This game is the equivalent of that night two weeks ago.


Above: Haunting our nocturnal emissions

Blue Balls:
It kinda goes without saying that Sephiroth is the biggest cock blocker in the gaming world (well, besides the original Donkey Kong). Finally, we’re given a game where we can actually give a damn about our relationships, only to have it snatched away from us. We suppose it’s a testament to superb game design where we actually give a shit 11 years after playing. *sniff*


 
12 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
Bri77777  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Yay! First one!
Dessel_Ordo  - 1 year 16 days ago 
actually, the 11th is "Thou shalt not (rooster)-block thy brother"
"bros before hos" is the 12th
"thou shalt not mess with another mans junk" is the 13th.

sorry, just had to clear that up
marioman50  - 9 months 15 days ago 
Haha,

couldn't help but laugh at the hilarious bitch caption.
Ravenbom  - 9 months 15 days ago 
QFT "What a hilarious bitch"
KillerPotato  - 5 months 21 days ago 
...nice
Skykid  - 5 months 15 days ago 
GR, did you break out the stupid ideas box again? Don't do that, I really hate it when ya do that.
AnonymouZ  - 5 months 11 days ago 
@Skykid

... hahaha! nice one... like the world really cares what a 13yr old KID thinks!
hanky_panky  - 5 months 10 days ago 
awww dont be so harsh to Link... he just thought he wuld get cooties..(hes a kid in a dudes body wat u expect??) but later on he wuld start kicking himself in the junk for ruining his chances.. or maybe he'll go back in time and tell himself to go for it... they can even do wat my name says
reCAPTCHA: snuffers Mass
marsuveeus  - 5 months 10 days ago 
The way that Peach acts in Super Mario Bros. 3 makes you think that she actually does not like Mario, but Bowser! Where did that demented offspring come from any way?
linkganon  - 3 months 25 days ago 
you know, seth macfarlaine, creator of family guy created a mini series called seth macfarlaine's cavalcade of cartoon comedy and one mini episode includes mario saying what he had to do to get to her, he went through 7 castles finding out she's in another castle. search it up on youtube, it's there.
Smeggs  - 3 months 25 days ago 
"I'm sorry but your princess is in another castle...HAHAHA just kidding"
*Punch in the mouth*
"I just fought through an entire continent of dinosaurs, dragons, ghosts and who the hell knows what else to save YOU! I'M GETTING A REWARD!"
PivotPlurals1  - 2 months 20 days ago 
skykid, do you even know what blue balls is?
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