Top 7... Blue Ball moments

The game may be over, but where's our happy ending?

Words: Shane Patterson, GamesRadar US

3. Aerith dies - Final Fantasy VII

What happens:
We all remember spending 20 odd hours building up the healing stats of quiet flower girl, Aerith, while being vaguely flirtatious. However, we were completely shocked as evil incarnate - Sephiroth - floated down to drive a big ass sword through Aerith’s torso. Fanboys were speechless, children wept and we were all robbed a hot girl with the best powers in the game. Dammit!


Above: What a dick move

Yes, Aerith’s sacrifice was crucial to the story, because Sephiroth - the dick that he is - made it super personal. You know when you’re talking to a hot chick at a bar and you spend two hours flirting, playing darts and teasing one another? And then the dick you work with walks right up and stabs her to death? This game is the equivalent of that night two weeks ago.


Above: Haunting our nocturnal emissions

Blue Balls:
It kinda goes without saying that Sephiroth is the biggest cock blocker in the gaming world (well, besides the original Donkey Kong). Finally, we’re given a game where we can actually give a damn about our relationships, only to have it snatched away from us. We suppose it’s a testament to superb game design where we actually give a shit 11 years after playing. *sniff*

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