Angelina Jolie as Margaret Russell
The Role: Long-suffering stay at home wife of fictional CIA pioneer Edward Wilson.
The Miscasting: Leaving aside the incongruous pairing of Jolie and Matt Damon – she’d eat him alive , surely? – she’s impossible to buy as a passive domestic. Her indoors while he’s gallivanting across Europe? Not a chance.
Should have cast: The restrained dignity of Kate Winslett would’ve been a better fit.
Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi
The Role: Younger version of the Jedi master made legend by Alec Guinness.
The Miscasting: Post-Trainspotting McGregor had an edge born of Scottish rogueishness and heroin chic, an edge blunted permanently by dull pseudo-Shakespearean space jabber and an impression of poor old Alec Guinness that wasn’t even that good .
Should have cast: Ken Branagh – it takes a classical actor not to look awful in Lucas’ movies.
Keanu Reeves as John Constantine
The Role: Cynical hardboiled supernatural detective.
The Miscasting: Comic book Constantine is a wry Liverpudlian with a chancey Thatcher’s Britain attitude to making enemies and amoral decisions. Reeves is a blank plank of American vacancy battling demons but not looking that bothered about it.
Should have cast: The character was based visually on Sting, but that’s madness. Hugh Laurie is our brave choice.
Halle Berry as Catwoman
The Role: Shy would-be artist murdered and resurrected by a magic cat. Really.
The Miscasting: The big mistake was getting a game, talented actress and giving her a backwards void of a character to work with. The script might as well have said ‘Meow meow meow meow meow’ over 80 pages.
Should have cast: They didn’t need Halle, they needed Jessica Simpson, or a cat in human makeup.
Colin Farrell as Alexander The Great
The Role: All-conquering general-king who spread Greek civilisation through the East.
The Miscasting: Swaggering playboy Farrell as the tactically brilliant, classically-educated warrior king? The bleached hair and sulky pout don’t look like the marks of a man tutored by Aristotle himself, and the Oirish accents imposed on the rest of the cast – though not Farrell’s fault – show the madness behind director Stone’s thinking.
Should have cast: Alexander Skarsgård
Ralph Fiennes as Christopher Marshall
The Role: Smooth senatorial candidate, hotel client, and full-time romantic.
The Miscasting: Fiennes is unwatchable in any kind of romantic role thanks to his talent for portraying seething, barely repressed psychosis. In his and J-Lo’s most tender moments, rictus grin etched on face, he looks like he’s about to bite her mouth off or wear her skin.
Should have cast: Hugh Jackman. Why make things hard?
Elijah Wood as Matt Buckner
The Role: Harvard student turned West Ham firm boy.
The Miscasting: Elijah’s got the Harvard bit down fine, but as he’s also got all the aggression of a daffodil with a smiley face drawn on it, the racy hardman bits are a total bust.
Should have cast: Someone who can get a bit nasty. Someone like Nick Stahl.
Christian Bale as John Connor
The Role: Human resistance warrior and saviour of mankind.
The Miscasting: The Terminator series having long since tossed away its brilliant potential and the character of Connor has been boiled down to a shouty shaven-headed rent-a-grunt. Remind us why the hell one of the best actors working today was Connor in this film?
Should have cast: If you’re going to make it dumb go all the way and get the Stath in.
Ed Norton as Will Graham
The Role: Intellectually piercing FBI profiler on the trail of a family-slaying serial killer.
The Miscasting: Norton’s a smart cookie, but he’s all over the place here. Why the urine-blonde mop, Ed? Why the permanently crumpled fa- JESUS DID YOU BLEACH YOUR EYEBROWS?
Should have cast: Someone with more of a macho edge – Matt Damon.
Julia Roberts as Tess
The Role: Julia Roberts lookalike and glamorous companion of slick thief Danny Ocean.
The Miscasting: Roberts was wasted as Tess in the first Ocean’s – she’s frilly decoration – and here when the part gets bigger and weirder (Tess at one point pretends to be Julia Roberts) she lacks the breezy charm to make it stick. Which means we’re essentially saying Julia Roberts is miscast as herself, but hey.
Should have cast: Um, Anne Hathaway?
