Step right up
Whats next? Well, as we've said before, we're hoping for a physical gaming theme park, or at least a few attractions that draw inspiration from video games. Though the possibilities for gaming-related rides are just about endless, we thought long and hard about which series would best make that transition. Here are our choices for top seven video games that should be theme park attractions.
7. Its Pokmon World!
Maybe an entire park was too much, but one Pokride would be just right. It would have to be a kid-friendly attraction, so fairly tame. Maybe a little repetitive. And definitely musical. If youre not familiar with Disneys Its a Small World, its a slow-moving boat ride in which the titular song repeats itself over and over until the riders get off or go insane. The Pokmon ride would be extremely similar in concept, as the sluggish vehicle moved through fields and rivers full of animatronic Pokmon. Meanwhile, the theme song from the Pokmon television show will play repeatedly, to the delight of Pokmon fans young and old (and absolute horror of their companions). Oh sure, you can laugh, but can you really say you wouldnt wait in line for 40 minutes to see that?
6. Uncharted: The Half-Tucked Stunt Spectacular
With a smolderingly handsome Nathan Drake lookalike as well as appearances from Elena and Sully stunt doubles the show would feature pyrotechnics, vehicle crashes, and plenty of improbably survivable stunts. Epic scenes from the games would be acted out, with audience members being pulled into the action for an added dose of fun. It would have the same appeal as the Indiana Jones show; after all, how often to you get to watch stunt actors pull of death-defying stunts? And also, did we mention the smolderingly handsome Nathan Drake lookalike?
5. Kingdom Hearts World Tour
Kingdom Hearts Gummi Ship would take the place of the motion simulators Starspeeder, with FFVIIs Cid navigating the journey. A few variations would take the riders through several Disney and Kingdom Hearts universes, with special appearances by classic Disney heroes and villains, Final Fantasy characters, and Kingdom Hearts keyblade-wielding Sora. As an added bonus, it would be a lot more fun than piloting the Gummi Ship in Kingdom Hearts (though to be fair, most things are).
4. God of War: The Ride
A thrilling roller coaster ride through Mount Olympus, a God of War-themed attraction would feature steep climbs, sharp drops, fast loops, and appearances from the gods themselves. It would climax with a visit from Kratos, right before the coaster takes its final death-defying twist. With the potential to be one of the biggest, fastest, craziest roller coasters in the country, daredevils and gamers alike would gladly stand in line for an encounter with the gods.
3. Portal: Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Activity
The Portal ride would combine moving parts, special effects, and digital screens portraying events from throughout the lab, with the riders trying to survive the deadly tests set forth before them. Naturally, Glad0s would mock the riders the entire time, serving as both a guide and a tormentor. After outsmarting the robot, escaping the testing area, exploring the bowels of Aperture, and unfulfilled promises of baked goods, the riders escape Aperture and are spit back into the real world. Naturally, Still Alive plays from speakers positioned around the exit, so riders can have it stuck in their heads for the rest of the day. Oh, and thered be a cake stand after you exit.
2. BioShock: Journey Through Rapture
Wait, wait, hear us out. This isnt some cheesy raft ride with singing animals or fake-out drops before the ultimate plunge. First the riders get a tour of Rapture, with a mix of robotic Splicers and television screens immersing them in the experience. There will even be a few terrifying appearances by Big Daddies and Little Sisters, with a jazzy tune helping to set the mood. And finally, after making their way through Rapture, theyll be treated to a final plunge that soaks the riders, forcing them to walk around in soggy clothes for a few hours. What? Its a log flume. It has to happen.
1. Dead Space: The Ishimura
Instead of a mansion, the ride would move through the USG Ishimura slowly at first, with unexpected bursts of speed, quick turns, and shocking appearances by necromorphs. With the riders kept mostly in the dark, with very little music and atmospheric sound effects, the monstrosities show up unexpectedly; even though the riders know theyre coming at some point, the surprise heightens the tension. Best of all, there would be a few different variations of the attraction, so even repeat riders would get some thrills out of the experience. Isaac Clarke would also make an appearance, ultimately saving those aboard from becoming mutilated by necromorphs.