After starting a second playthrough of Red Dead Redemption 2, I've trapped myself in Chapter 2 and I'm not emotionally ready to move past it

When my eyes land on the only two mission markers remaining on my map in Chapter 2 of Red Dead Redemption 2, my heart sinks to my stomach. Before, these early quests just felt like stepping stones to help the Van der Linde gang move on to greener pastures after Blackwater, but boy howdy do I know better now. Yes, I'm all too aware of exactly what they entail and how much weight they actually carry in the grand scheme of things, and that knowledge has utterly paralyzed me. Try as I might, I can't quite bring myself to get on my horse and start making my way over to either objective, because once I do, it's all downhill from here.

At this point, I have to concede that beginning a second playthrough so soon after finishing Rockstar's Wild West adventure for the first time was probably a big mistake. Everything is still too raw, and my emotions are not even close to being in check after seeing Arthur Morgan's journey through to the bitter end. Even so, with everything that went down, I was absolutely convinced I would experience the opening of the game very differently, and I was right about that. But now my own feelings are getting in my way, and I fear I may be trapped at this particular point in Chapter 2 forevermore.

A new beginning

If you're well acquainted with Red Dead Redemption 2, you can probably guess which missions in Chapter 2 I'm reluctant to do right now. One will see me break a man out of Strawberry I loathe with every fiber of my being (yes, of course it's Micah), while the other will set Arthur down a path I so desperately want to save him from… even when I know I can't. So now that I'm having to face the very moment that changes everything, I'm struggling to see it through again, and the last thing I want to do is help out a guy I'd rather lasso tie up and leave on the train tracks.

Somehow, by avoiding these two missions, I've trapped myself in this weird limbo where I can convince myself I'm preventing the inevitable. I'm caught up in delusions of a different future, one that has me asking, what if Arthur never went to get that money for Strauss?, or What if the gang had just left Micah? But that's not the story Rockstar wanted to tell, and everything that happens shapes who Arthur becomes. The redemption arc that unfolds towards the latter half of the game is also what made me fall so hard for Morgan's journey – even if it did break my heart. I know, deep down, that I need to just get on with it… eventually.

After all, I'm here because I want to keep reliving the story from this newfound perspective. As rash as it might have been on my part to restart the game so soon — especially considering my current frozen state – I'm glad I've experienced the opening of Red Dead Redemption 2 again while the ending is so fresh to me. Conversations I didn't pay much attention to before suddenly hold greater significance, and the wannabe detective in me can't stop dissecting the dialogue and studying Dutch like I'm sifting for clues that point to what I know is ahead.

A fresh perspective

I'm particularly sensitive when it comes to any mention of Micah from the get-go, and my skin starts to prickle with dread when I pick up on some early signs that I naturally missed the first time around. Micah, for example, is always the member that goes "scouting ahead", and then mysteriously takes too long to return. Then there are conversations like the one I have with Javier at the start, which are more than illuminating – Javier explains that the Pinkertons suddenly descended on the crew when they were trying to rob the infamous boat back in Blackwater… and who was the one who told Dutch about this ferry? Micah, of course. There are so many little telltale signs, from Arthur and Hosea expressing doubts, to the way Dutch always bends an ear to Micah.

But as hard as it is to face certain events again and temper my anger towards certain characters, reuniting with the gang and Arthur has also been quite comforting. I think that's because in many ways, the build up to the actual ending of Arthur's story is the most difficult part. Not only do you have to come to terms with Morgan's deteriorating health, but you also watch as your gang comes apart at the seams.

They are your ragtag found family in the Wild West, and as frayed around the edges as they may be, the gang bring a sense of community and camaraderie to an otherwise unforgiving world. When that starts to crumble and slip away, and the feeling that you're all in this together begins to dissolve, it's a hard pill to swallow. I felt like I was already mourning what once was before I even reached the actual conclusion to the story, so it's been kind of nice to step back into the early days when it feels like a family unit.

As much as I want to stay with the gang in this period before the storm hits, I also want to see what else I notice as the story progresses. It might take me some time to prepare myself, but I'm determined to get back in the saddle and face the music.

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