Bromaggedon
Alright, we already know what you're thinking: "What the!? But you guys already did a Top 7 on the best bros in gaming history!" You're right. We did. But this week, we're talking about a different kind of bro--the kind that likes tribal tats, tramp stamps, and flat-billed trucker hats. The kind that would get so wasted at a bar that they'd vomit into a beer mug and, not wanting to waste any beer, would force it all back down to the backdrop of cheering friends.
6. Jason Brody (Far Cry 3)
J-Bro only recently made his video game debut, but he's certainly deserving of a spot on this list. Let's run down a list of his bro credentials. First, his name. Jason. Brody. There's probably no name more generic in a video game. Brody? Really? It's got "bro" right in it, as if his destiny as a spoiled rich kid had been predetermined. We bet his parents bought him a lacrosse jersey for his first birthday.
5. Travis Touchdown (No More Heroes)
Everyone's favorite anime-obsessed otaku ninja jedi assassin may have some pretty awesome hobbies (and a pretty badass name), but it's hard to ignore the bro deeply ingrained beneath that spiky, gel-laden hairdo. Though Double Ts might think himself a nerd, theres no denying that his alliance is more to his bros.
4. Damon Baird (Gears of War)
Confidence to the point of sociopathy is a common trait amongst bros, but Baird takes that confidence to prom, gets it liquored up with a hip flask, and gets it pregnant behind the high school. He's the smartest dude in the room by a few hundred IQ points, and he always makes damn sure everyone knows it.
3. Garcia Hotspur (Shadows of the Damned)
Fact: Garcia "F****ing" Hotspur is a foul-mouthed badass. Another fact: The entire reason he had to take a stroll through Hell to save his girlfriend was because he got into a verbal argument with a demon lord about who had bigger "endowments." Actually, now that we think about it, the dude is obsessed with male anatomy.
2. Johnny Cage (Mortal Kombat)
Most people set off to join Mortal Kombat to, you know, save the Earth from getting annihilated by the Outworld. But not Johnny Cage--no sir, he's in it to show the media and naysayers that he can fight like a man. He's also incredibly egotistical; just look to the opening of Mortal Kombat, where he insults opponents and macks on the ladies in equal measure.
1. Duke Nukem (Duke Nukem)
Good 'ol Duke's a no-nonsense kind of guy. Though he blasted into the gaming scene in the early '90s, his current politically incorrect persona manifested in 1996's Duke Nukum 3D. Here, he wowed children with his muscular arms and bullet-strapped wife-beater, as well as filthy mouth that, much to the dismay of parents everywhere, taught kids dirty swears and how to smoke a cigar like a boss. Shortly after, the greatest worst role model games had ever had disappeared, seemingly Forever.
