Death by spider
Embarrassingly ending your life in: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
No, not a man-eating fifty foot tarantula you’d see in some shitty 50s B-movie. Big Boss can be offed by an actual tiny ‘fetch me a rolled-up newspaper, luv, I’m about to go medieval on some arachnid ass’ spider. Alright, so Snake Eater’s eight legged a-holes are poisonous. But after surviving a nearby nuclear blast and battling a knife-wielding dude that can make himself freakin’ invisible, somehow the legendary soldier slowly succumbing to a bug bite seems anticlimactic. Death by tripping on bird shit in Metal Gear Solid 2 on the other hand…
Death by plant
Embarrassingly ending your life in: Batman: Arkham Asylum
Oh sure, the Bat might have saved Gotham 63 times and smacked down an entire nut house worth of murderous maniacs. But he’s clearly no match for the most diabolical creation the DC Universe has ever seen: an overgrown Lily. Poison Ivy’s feral flowers, which spit toxic fumes, are an absolute bastard to avoid. And death at their poison-filled petals is pretty much the most shameful way we can envisage Batman bowing out. Well, unless it had something to do with impalement and Bat nipples.
Death by deer
Embarrassingly ending your life in: Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2
Awwww, look at that cute little fella. Come here you. Who’s an adorable, fluffy… wait, what are you doing? No, please. NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE! Honestly, what kind of supremely shit hunter do you have to be to get taken out by a chital (aka a bloody spotted deer)? A moose we could maybe accept. And getting our jugular nibbled on by Cabela’s menagerie of bears, cougars and wolves is all part of the dickish lifestyle of big game hunting. But, for the self respect of animal-killers everywhere, we’ve got to draw the line at meeting our maker courtesy of a slightly pissed off version of Bambi.
