There are ways to die in a game and there are ways to die. Being horrendously, but heroically squashed under a size 400 foot as we single-handedly fight a giant robot with nuclear weapons. Now that’s a respectable way to embrace gaming death. Having our hero get done in by birds, spiders or a bad case of the cold (like in the following collection of games)? Yeah, not so much. So join us as we doff our gaming hats and monocles to mourn – and laugh at – some of the most embarrassing video game deaths ever.
Death by Faggio scooter
Embarrassingly ending your life in: GTA IV
There are many fine ways to check out with Niko in Rockstar’s crime classic. Bleeding out in the gutter after getting shot by crazed Albanian bikers. Falling off the Statue of Happiness. Blowing ourselves up with a grenade because we just can’t stomach the thought of going bowling with Roman for the 9th time in four days. But the last sliver of our health being wiped out by an effeminate piece of Italian machinery that can barely do 14mph? Man, that ain’t no way for an amoral assassin to go.
Death by undead crow
Embarrassingly ending your life in: Resident Evil
Wait. That’s a typo, right? Surely we mean undead giant shark, cobra or, at a massive push, feral zombified cow. Nah, we totally mean those little feathered bastards that terrorise hard-working scarecrows everywhere. Don’t get us wrong, we’re totally cool with death in Resi. Hell, half the fun of survival horror is seeing our woodenly animated agent get their face melted off by things that go homicidal in the night. But as humiliating ways to sign out go, getting pecked to death by mutated worm munchers ranks just below carking it on the crapper from extra strength diarrhoea.
Death by medicine shortage
Embarrassingly ending your life in: Far Cry 2
Africa is a dangerous place. Hippos. Lions. Shitting hippos (seriously, they’re the most dangerous animal in Africa). Rubbishly, there’s a shortage of deadly predators in Far Cry’s take on the continent. But we suppose biting it in combat against armies of AK-sporting mercenaries is a pretty respectable way to go. Sadly, blacking out and subsequently getting our ass shot off because we ran out of malaria tablets ain’t quite as manly. We’re not trying to make light of a killer disease, but dying due to a lack of pills just isn’t as badass as getting eaten by a hungry, hungry hippo.