5 reasons why Mark Wahlberg will make an awesome Nathan Drake

During a recent interview, Mark Wahlberg confirmed he’s going to star as Nathan Drake in the movie version of Uncharted. A geek tragedy on the scale of Bill Shatner dying from a small fall in Star Trek: Generations, the news sent the interwebs into impotent fury. Honestly, we don’t know what everyone’s moaning about. It's not as if Marky Mark doesn't have experience of starring in video game movies. Hello, Max Payne? He’s also an Oscar-nominated actor. So here are five (almost completely tongue-in-cheek free) reasons why the lord of the Funky Bunch will make an ace Nate.

When the mood takes him, he’s the sweariest man alive

In the games, Nate loves a bit of light swearing. A little ‘shit’ here, a naughty ‘bastard’ there. Now, add Marky Mark in full on Departed mode to this already potty-mouthed mix, and we can see big screen Drake calling pirates ‘motherf*ckers’ as he pops a cap in their ‘shitting’ asses.

Above: No one tries to shoot Staff Sergeant Dignam without being told what's what

He’s got experience at shooting monsters in the face

Well, he fought fake-ass looking monkeys in Planet of the Apes. And Nate has fought a bunch of sun-deprived demon rejects from The Descent and feral yeti men. There’s definitely some sort of monster-murdering tenuous link in there, right? Thus proving the Mark to the Marky times two is the perfect choice for Uncharted’s lead role.

Above: Talking monkey men, cave-dwelling monsters; it's all the same

He’s used to the wet stuff

As most PS3 gamers who harbour a secret man-crush of the Drakester will attest, by far the best thing in both Uncharted games is when Nate dunks himself in some H20. By Victor Sullivan’s full manly moustache; we love a bit of wet shirted Drake. Geez, this has gone a tad dark, hasn’t it? What we meant to say is, Nathan is an adept swimmer. Wahlberg is pretty experienced in this regard, too, thanks to his experiences working on the Perfect Storm… eh, except he kinda drowned in that.

Above: We hear Mark has a badass butterfly stroke

Looking for the perfect Donut Drake? Look no further

Hey, you never know. The producers might decide to take the Uncharted movie into the 'hero’s a useless, fat tool’ waters. If they do, there’s no better actor we can think of to play a bumbling 20 stone goliath than the man who likes to get his funk on in Calvin Kline undercrackers.

Above: Eh, something you want to tell us, fat Drake?

Marky Mark does what Nintendon't


We've also got another reason why the movie will be amazing in general. Lest we forget Bobby DeNiro and Joe ‘I want to snap Macaulay Culkin’s adorable neck’ have also been attached to the project. They’re currently down to play Drake’s father and uncle, respectively. Screw the uncle. For us, we can’t envisage anyone more suited to playing one of Uncharted 2’s feral yeti imposters than the latter, tiny, stabby actor.

Nov 25, 2010


  • elchamber - November 30, 2010 11:11 p.m.

    I'm so disappointed that they decided to use someone other than Fillion. With this decision, it will probably look more like something else and less like the game. To be honest, I don't think Marky Mark will do a bad job. He is a pretty good actor. I just hope they stick to Drake's humor and less on a brooding guy. It's not just saying the one-liners, but their deliveries. It's no wonder "Metal Gear Solid" will never be a movie. Hollywood seems so pigheaded in doing things their way. Their way sucks.
  • metalgatesolid - November 29, 2010 8:16 p.m.

    Crying into my Uncharted Instruction booklet. Has anyone seen The Happening? The best example of "I dont give a S@&t" acting ever. Now he was good in the Departed and wasnt terrible as Max Payne (film was rubbish though). All i need to ruin my videogame films is to hear Sylvester Stallon is going to play Solid Snake and Seth Rogen has been cast as Duke Nukem (i do like both Sly and Seth, just the roles wouldnt suit them).
  • soren7550 - November 26, 2010 9:40 p.m.

    Ninja'd by hunterXhunter. Anywho, fat Drake is just too damn funny. *looks at the pic again and burst into snorty giggles*
  • sarge_51 - November 26, 2010 6:48 p.m.

    Goddamn. Nathan Fillion really should've gotten this part. I boycott this now.
  • LIKEUCARE - November 26, 2010 5:56 p.m.

    Nathan Fillion would've been better than Marky Mark... so would Joe Flanigan from Stargate Atlantis... Flanigan got such a goofy humor and can act tough. Sadly, he weren't picked! Not only Nolan North has to do a cameo, but I'd say pretty much every meaningful characters of the franchise. Elena, Sully, (Pirate guy with golden guns... keep forgetting his name), maybe Chloé, Flynn, Tenzin if they'll incorporate U2 in the movie. I'm saddened that Hollywood are focused on screwing around the video game industry and producing bad movies. Worst would be the game studios that gives permissions to let their beloved game/franchise to become a movie. I think the only good worthy video game to movie was the Silent Hill movie. And maybe Resident Evil 1 movie.... since rest is utter crap.
  • philipshaw - November 26, 2010 2:22 p.m.

    The Departed is such a amazing film
  • DecoyOctorok - November 26, 2010 2:13 p.m.

    I guess this means Max Payne won't be a franchise? Damn!
  • CitizenWolfie - November 26, 2010 10:24 a.m.

    mmm wet shirted Drake :) The games are filmic enough as it is, I don't even think they need to do a movie version. I can see the quality of the games slipping if it turns into a film franchise (hello Tomb Raider).
  • Games_Radar_DaveMeikleham - November 26, 2010 9:33 a.m.

    I'm glad there were a few sane folk who understood we were extracting the urine here. I guess the fact we had Joe Pesci dressed as a Yeti, Marky Mark fighting monkeys and using an image from a god awful Mega CD game was clearly too serious for some people. So just to clarify for everyone who's clearly had their sarcasm glands removed... THIS WAS A JOKE. I rate Wahlberg as an actor, but like most of you, agree he's the wrong choice for the role.
  • BlackElement17 - November 26, 2010 8:41 a.m.

    Did writing this article hurt?
  • sleepy92ismypsn - November 26, 2010 3:58 a.m.

    I don't think Marky mark is right for the part.
  • foxyexplosion - November 26, 2010 2:14 a.m.

    You hid the sarcasm well, it doesnt help that i super skim sometimes but Im glad I saw the comment about it being a joke. Its hidden just a little too well but I think it would be great to hear you talk about it (maybe on a podcast or something). I gotta say im pretty disappointed, I do like the guy (kinda) but I have an insatiable fillion hard on so I feel super betrayed
  • Montag - November 26, 2010 1:19 a.m.

    Perfect for Uncharted. Very handsome, but shallow, predictable and we've seen it all before but a bit better. In fact this is typecasting
  • Ridgley - November 26, 2010 12:40 a.m.

  • ultimatepunchrod - November 25, 2010 11:02 p.m.

    not sure if i should take this list seriously. i dont think he'll suck but i dont think he was the obvious choice *cough* Nathan Fillion *cough*
  • Amnesiac - November 25, 2010 10:54 p.m.

    It strikes me that Jonah Hill would make a great Fat Drake. Someone in Hollywood needs to jump on that.
  • thedocument - November 25, 2010 9:51 p.m.

    I'm so upset about the casting so far. Marky Mark lacks charisma and is not witty or funny at all. He's a stiff, awkward actor that relies on the tough-guy thing too much. Moreso, I'm upset about this Deniro/Pesci crap. I like both actors, sure, but they have no place in this movie whatsoever. I think the project needs a whole new director, cast and probably producer. I'd rather it not be made than made poorly.
  • NightCrawler_358 - November 25, 2010 9:12 p.m.

    Mark Wahlberg as Nathan Drake sucks soooo much.
  • Dumas - November 25, 2010 8:31 p.m.

    I think Joe Flanigan(From Stragate Atlantis) would make a good Drake, But thats just me.
  • cj12297 - November 25, 2010 7:46 p.m.

    this movie sounds shit. but great article

Showing 1-20 of 46 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000