Cruel summer
Summer. It should be the optimum time for gaming. The annual games drought has started, leaving a few solid months of play-time in which to clear up last year's Christmas backlog before the autumn release schedule starts kicking in like an angry mule with a hangover. But there's a problem with summer. It's summer. The weather is great, there's plenty going on outside, and thus you're irretrievably drawn to the outside world, devoid as it is of TVs, monitors and convenient power supplies.
Simulate reading game reviews...
...by asking a friend if they like their burger. If they say "Yes", tell them that they're an idiot for liking that burger, as the relish is clearly more cheap and commercial these days. Exclaim that they're obviously being paid by the burger manufacturer to promote their burgers. If, however, they say "No" (like for instance, if their burger is burnt), call them an idiot for not liking it, on the grounds that you happen to really like burnt burgers and thus they are inalienably wrong. Make sure to also accuse them of taking bribes from sausage manufacturers for bad-mouthing burgers.
Simulate draw distance...
...by going on a ramble through the countryside wearing powerful convex lenses. Usually used to treat long-sightedness, these will blur out everything in the distance by focusing the incoming light nearer to your eyes, thereby creating an authentic distance-fog effect. If you're already short-sighted, just take your glasses off. Use of convex lenses will give you the extreme PS1 experience, but you'll have to be very careful around cliffs.
Simulate a water level...
...by going swimming and making resolutely sure not to enjoy yourself. Make a point of trying to do normal, everyday, land-based activities in the pool, and complain that none of them work very well once water-resistance comes into the equation. Spend the rest of your week doing fun things, while occasionally thinking back and complaining to friends about "that one water day".
