Top 7... Cutesy Characters We Want to Beat the Crap Out of

2. Navi, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time / Nintendo 64 - (AKA “Firefly from Hell,” “Tinkerbell’s Bastard Cousin,” or “STFU ALREADY”)

You know why. Was there ever a more annoying sidekick/targeting reticule in the world? Sure, she was “cute” in that Tinkerbell sort of way- but Tink had class whereas Navi was utterly tactless. She led you off cliffs, distracted you from cool stuff. And she never, ever shut the hell up- even when we might have had a shot at finally getting to second base with Zelda.

“Hey, listen!” “Hey, listen!” “LOOK!”

Eff you, effin' fairy. We won’t listen. We won’t look. We’ll just fantasize about something terrible happening to you.

How we’d do it:
…the Tinkerbell thing keeps us from going too ballistic. And it’s not like we can give her a black eye (does she even have eyes?), but we can shut her in a soundprooftank full of starving bullfrogs and watch the fun. It’s like Gladiator... only better.