Artoo goes on and on and on… And Steven Ellis is there to provide translations
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH – BOG – DUSK
In the bright lights of the fighter, Luke loads a heavy case into the belly of the ship. Artoo sits on top of the X-wing, settling down into his cubbyhole. Yoda stands nearby on a log.
ARTOO: (in a high pitched squeak) Yahooo! Wessa goin’ home! Sorry. Sorry! I won’t do that again. I promise!
YODA: Luke! You must complete the training.
LUKE: I can’t keep the vision out of my head. They’re my friends. I’ve got to help them.
YODA: You must not go!
ARTOO: Oh, no. We can’t risk the, “We sit around getting old while Luke does all the work,” plan can we?
LUKE: But Han and Leia will die if I don’t.
BEN’S VOICE: You don’t know that .
Luke looks toward the voice in amazement. Ben has materialised as a real, slightly shimmering image near Yoda. The power of his presence stops Luke.
ARTOO: Oh, looky. It’s lying dead Jedi Obi Wan.
BEN: Even Yoda cannot see their fate.
LUKE: But I can help them! I feel the Force!
BEN: But you cannot control it. This is a dangerous time for you, when you will be tempted by the Dark Side of the Force.
ARTOO: One quick trip to a city in a cloud? Come on. You had Anakin for a decade and you didn’t manage to stop him killing kiddies! How bad can it be? Unless... Is this cloud city place like Vegas?
YODA: Yes, yes. To Obi-Wan you listen. The cave. Remember your failure at the cave!
ARTOO: He didn’t fail… He took that guy’s head clean off! Wooooshuuum! Thud! It was cool!
LUKE: But I’ve learned so much since then. Master Yoda, I promise to return and finish what I’ve begun. You have my word.
BEN: It is you and your abilities the Emperor wants. That is why your friends are made to suffer.
ARTOO: Erm… Excuse me… Don’t you guys want Luke and his abilities too?
LUKE: And that is why I have to go.
BEN: Luke, I don’t want to lose you to the Emperor the way I lost Vader.
ARTOO: Don’t cut all Luke’s limbs off then.
LUKE: You won’t.
ARTOO: He might! Oh, you didn’t mean the “limbs cut off” thing?
YODA: Stopped they must be. On this depends. Only a fully-trained Jedi Knight with the Force as his ally will conquer Vader and his Emperor. If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path, as Vader did, you will become an agent of evil.
ARTOO: “Only a fully trained Jedi Knight with the Force as his ally”? If it’s that easy. Why have you two been hiding for so long then? Why didn’t you go conquer the guy?
ARTOO: Well, there’s patience and then there’s sitting on your arse in the desert for 20 years…
LUKE: And sacrifice Han and Leia?
YODA: If you honour what they fight for...yes!
Luke is in great anguish. He struggles with the dilemma, a battle raging in his mind.
BEN: If you choose to face Vader, you will do it alone. I cannot interfere.
ARTOO: Any more than you already have? Don’t worry Luke, your Dad’s a wuss, you’ll kick his arse! Wait, does he know Vader’s his dad yet? I’ve lost track of the lies…
LUKE: I understand .
He moves to his X-wing.
LUKE: Artoo, fire up the converters.
Artoo whistles a happy reply.
ARTOO: Hell yeah!
BEN: Luke, don’t give in to hate – that leads to the dark side.
Luke nods and climbs into his ship.
YODA: Strong is Vader. Mind what you have learned. Save you it can.
ARTOO: A father’s day card might help!
LUKE: I will. And I’ll return. I promise.
Artoo closes the cockpit .
ARTOO: Enough talk. Can we go now?
Ben and Yoda stand watching as the roar of the engines and the wind engulf them.
YODA: (sighs) Told you, I did. Reckless is he. Now matters are worse.
BEN: That boy is our last hope.
As the X-Wing hovers above them we hear Artoo shout.
ARTOO: Oi! What about Leia? The twin sister? Don’t you remember her you lying old ghost? Or are you just sexist?
YODA: (looks up) No. There is another.
ARTOO: See, the frog boy remembers her…