Dracula Blade Trinity (2005)
The Villain: So this is the guy. The big tomale. The baddest vampire that ever (un)lived. And he pretty much just looks like a shaven-headed beefcake.
How the mighty have fallen.
Crappest Moment: Dracula, or ‘Drake’, pontificates on honour as he hides from Blade behind a human child.
Wuss.
Cain RoboCop 2 (1990)
The Villain: Don’t get us wrong, we’ve got a soft spot for this sci-fi sequel, but we’re not going to kid ourselves that Cain (Tom Noonan) is actually a good villain.
Because he’s really not. A Messiah-complexed cult leader, he at least lays the smackdown on RoboCop. Until RoboCop 2 comes a-callin’ …
Crappest Moment: The robot’s a badass, but there’s no getting past that horrific CGI face .
Michael Jennings On Deadly Ground (1994)
The Villain: Steven Seagal must have thought he’d hit the mother lode when landed Michael Caine as the villain in this early ‘90s actionfest.
But the Caine who turned up on set to play corrupt CEO Michael Jennings had obviously realised what a piece of crap he was in, and decided to phone in his performance instead.
Crappest Moment: Jennings screams and shouts.
Meanwhile, some woman comes in to moisturise his face . Okaaaaay.
Gene Carson Flightplan (2005)
The Villain: How to kill a pretty cool plotline? Insert a dry-as-hell villain like Gene Carson (Peter Sarsgaard), whose manipulating ways just detract from what should be a tight-wound thriller about a woman battling her own sanity.
Crappest Moment: Having sussed him out, Kyle Pratt (Jodie Foster) easily overcomes Carson and handcuffs him to a rail.
He really is a terrible villain.
Dominic Greene Quantum Of Solace (2008)
The Villain: Fresh from being successfully rebooted in the buff form of Daniel Craig, Bond’s first post-reboot adventure has him going against a, er… really rich businessman.
Which is pretty much all you need to know about Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric), a bad guy whose bark is definitely worse than his bite. Snore.
Crappest Moment: Greene’s plan to gain control over water supplies (ooo, scary) ends badly when he’s dumped in the desert by Bond with only a can of engine oil.
Dr Doom Fantastic Four (2005)
The Villain: A former classmate of Dr Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd), Dr. Victor von Doom (Julian McMahon) acquires superpowers after being exposed to a volatile space cloud.
He’s smarmy, cocky, and deathly, deathly boring. Even when he’s blowing things up.
Crappest Moment: Doom gets out a rocket launcher and fires directly at Johnny Storm (Chris Evans).
Sure, it makes for a decent set-piece as Storm attempts to dodge it, but it’s not exactly the most subtle of evil plans, is it?
Brenda Urban Legend (1998)
The Villain: To be fair, her plan was insanely catchy – kill university students using well-known urban legends.
But when she’s finally relieved of her parker coat, Brenda’s revealed as a crazy-eyed gurner who just loves the sound of her own voice
Crappest Moment: Brenda somehow survives being shot and manages to clamber into the back of Natalie’s (Alicia Witt) car.
She then tries to swing an axe while in the car. Worst killer ever.
The Stuff The Stuff (1985)
The Villain: The film’s concept is a fun spin on consumerism, but the villainous ‘Stuff’ itself is just silliness.
A natural substance that’s marketed as calorie-free sweet stuff, the Stuff turns out to be a sentient, parasitic organism that hollows people out from the inside.
Crappest Moment: Charlie’s face turns into a puppet and starts spewing out white Stuff …
Walter Wade Jr Shaft (2000)
The Villain: We love Christian Bale. And we know exactly what he can do with his considerable talent, so it’s all the more disappointing that his villain in the Shaft reboot is so lazily sketched.
The son of a real estate tycoon, Walter Wade Jr is little more than a cipher. Missed opportunity.
Crappest Moment: Before he can even get a fair trial for the murder he committed, Wade Jr is gunned down.
Yeah, he got shafted.
Kogo Shuko Double Dragon (1994)
The Villain: Robert Patrick’s terrifying turn as the T-1000 in Terminator 2 is all-but forgotten in Double Dragon , which sees him playing an evil gang leader.
His terrifying plan? Steal an ancient Chinese amulet that will grant him superpowers. Boring.
Crappest Moment: Shuko winds up in jail. Boo hoo.
