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BLOG What Was R2-D2 Really Saying? Part IX

Our very own protocol droid, Steven Ellis, continues he hard work translating the wheelie-bin ’bot’s squeaks and whistles

STAR WARS: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY – CORRIDOR TO LANDING PLATFORM

Leia and Chewbacca start firing at the troopers as Lando makes a break for the elevator. Laser bolts continue to explode around the princess and the Wookiee, but they refuse to budge. Lando sticks his head out of the elevator and motions for the pair to run, they begin to move through the rain of laser fire toward the elevator. Once they are inside, the door slams shut and the stormtroopers race forward.

ARTOO: Who remembers when the guys in the white armour were on our side?

Leia, Lando, Chewie and the droids leave the elevator, come round a corner and head for the door to the landing platform. They glimpse the Millennium Falcon for a moment before the door slams shut. The group ducks into an alcove as stormtroopers arrive at the end of the corridor. The troopers send a rain of laser bolts at the group. Chewie returns their fire as Lando punches desperately at the door’s control panel.

LANDO: The security code has been changed!

ARTOO: Who’s this guy anyhow?

THREEPIO: Artoo, you can tell the computer to override the security system.

Threepio points to a computer socket on the control panel.

ARTOO: You want me to stick my probe in there? You haven’t even bought me a drink… Fine, okay…

Artoo beeps and scoots toward the panel. Lando, meanwhile, has connected up to the panel’s intercom.

LANDO: Attention! This is Lando Calrissian. The Empire has takes control of the city. I advise everyone to leave before more Imperial troops arrive.

Artoo takes off a computer cover and sticks his computer arm into the socket.

ARTOO: Okay baby, time to get all…

Suddenly, a short beep turns into a wild scream. Artoo's circuits light up, his head spins wildly, and smoke begins to seep out underneath him. Quickly, Chewie pulls him away.

ARTOO: Ow! Ow! Ow! It burns!

LANDO: This way.

ARTOO: So… Is this guy in charge now then?

Lando, Leia, Artoo and Chewie flee down the corridor. As he scoots along with them, Artoo sends some angry beeps Threepio's way.

R2: Oi, you! That’s the last time I stick my probe anywhere you tell me to!

THREEPIO: Don’t blame me. I’m an interpreter. I’m not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.

ARTOO: Yeah? Well, if this leaves a mark…

INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY – CORRIDOR

In a panic, Cloud City residents are trying to get out of the city. Some carry boxes, others packages. They run, then change direction. Some are shooting at stormtroopers, others simply try to hide.

Other stormtroopers pursue Lando, Leia and Chewie who are firing back at them. Artoo works on a door to the landing platform while Threepio berates him for his seeming ineptitude.

ARTOO: Shut it! I’m trying to work here… Hey, the bad guys… They’ve been messing with the Falcon’s hyperdrive…

THREEPIO: What are you talking about? We’re not interested in the hyperdrive on the Millennium Falcon. It’s fixed! Just open the door, you stupid lump.

ARTOO: Well, I bet it’s important later…

Chewie, Leia, and Lando retreat along the corridor. A triumphant beep from Artoo – and the door snaps open.

R2: Open sesame!

THREEPIO: (to Artoo) I never doubted you for a second. Wonderful!

R2: Yeah, of course you didn’t…

As the group dashes outside Artoo lays down a cloud of fog, obscuring everything.

ARTOO: Pfffaaarrrrt. Better out than in. Ha! Eat robot farts Stormtroopers!

EXTERIOR: LANDING PLATFORM  CLOUD CITY – DUSK

They race for the Millennium Falcon as a battalion of stormtroopers reaches the main door. Lando and Leia hold off the troops as the droids get on board with Chewie. As Chewie bounds to the ship the Threepio strapped to his back, Threepio hits his head on the top of the ramp.

ARTOO: Cheeeeese it!

THREEPIO: Ouch! Oh! Ah! That hurt, Bend down, you thoughtless...Ow!

Chewie starts up the ship. The giant engines begin to whine as Lando and Leia race up the ramp under a hail of laser fire.

ARTOO: Ooooh, it hurts… Like sticking your probe in a fire was it?

LANDO: Leia! Go!

INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON – CORRIDOR

Artoo drags the partially-assembled Threepio down the corridor of the Falcon.

ARTOO: That was fun… So did you guys go to a party of something? You realise your head’s on backwards and unless you’re programmed for the robosutra your legs shouldn’t be able to do that… And you need some Brasso or something… You’re not looking your best goldie.

THREEPIO: I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me. Of course, I’ve looked better.

ARTOO: Ha. I remember when you had no outer casing at all. Wires everywhere… Hmm, I wonder what happened to Luke…?

EXTERIOR: BOTTOM OF CLOUD CITY – WEATHER VANE

Luke hangs by one arm from the crossbar of the weather vane. He slips from the bar and grabs onto the pole of the vane as the Falcon banks toward him. The Falcon positions itself under Luke as Lando moves up through the opening of the hatch. Luke begins to slide and finally falls from the vane into space.

INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON – HATCH

The hatch pops open with a hiss of pressure. Lando reaches out to help the battered warrior inside the ship.

INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON – COCKPIT

Flak bursts all around it as the Falcon banks away from the city. Leia and Chewie struggle with the controls.

LEIA: (into intercom) Lando?

LANDO: (over intercom) Okay, let’s go.

ARTOO: Hey? Is that Luke? Did you rescue him? Did he meet his Dad? Hey, where’s his hand gone?

INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON – COCKPIT

Explosions erupt all around the cockpit, buffeting the ship wildly. Chewie howls as he frantically tries to control the ship. Leia and Chewie turns to see Luke, bloody and battered, enter the cockpit supported by Lando. Leia jumps up and hugs him while Chewie barks in joyous relief.

LUKE: Oh, Leia.

LANDO: All right, Chewie. Let’s go.

Leia helps Luke from the cockpit as another huge blast rocks the ship.

ARTOO: I guess the hug didn’t help then…

Read “What Was R2-D2 Really Saying?” Parts I-VIII