Top 7... Cutesy Characters We Want to Beat the Crap Out of

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4. Larry Butz, Phoenix Wright series / DS - (AKA “Phoenix Wright’s Dumb Friend,” “Dude with the Hearts in His Eyes,” or “Closet Homosexual”)

Why:
Because we don’t like his face. If that’s not a good enough reason to mull over mauling him with a weed whacker, then we don’t know why you’re reading this article.

Seriously, is that goatee supposed to make him look cool? Somebody please wipe that crooked grin off his face and convince him to stop winking. Even the Judge in Trials & Tribulations can’t stand to look at him:
“…just looking at his picture makes the bile start to rise in my throat.”

But what we really loathe Larry Butz is for dragging down Phoenix Wright’s image. His smug smiling and simpering fanboy-isms border on psycho; and it sickens us to think that our favorite all-star attorney could ever associate with such a large loser as Larry Butz, even if they were only children when the awful associate began.

Oh, and his name sucks, too.

How we’d do it:
Two black eyes and some missing teeth ought to take down his “cute guy” appeal a few pegs. Might not be a bad idea break his kneecaps, either. Then we’ll find out where he lives and burn his house down.