Stardew Valley at 10: How a decade in the countryside has helped long-distance relationships thrive

In the beginning, there was a barn. Stardew Valley has seen many updates since the farming sim debuted on PC in 2016, with 1.6 being its biggest to date and 1.7 a promise to be fulfilled sometime in the distant future. ConcernedApe plans on feeding us until the end of time at this rate, and the possibilities are endless. Over the years we've seen the game expand to an entirely new island, add a racoon family, grant us the privilege of being able to drink mayonnaise, and even multiplayer functionality as of 2018. With multiplayer in particular, Stardew Valley became something truly unexpected: a way for those in long-distance relationships to connect.

Being one of the most popular games of all time with over 50 million copies sold — no biggie – the chances of two gamers in love having a copy in their respective libraries are pretty high. This was true for two of my best friends, Sam and Gabi.

Stable-izing

Three years ago, Sam asked if I knew a good casual game he'd enjoy. Of course, I recommended Stardew Valley, knowing it would be the ideal pace for him. He took to it immediately, and I took pride in being correct in my assumption. What I didn't expect, however, was that he would then introduce it to our mutual friend, Gabi, and that they'd start a farm together. Despite living thousands of miles apart – Gabi in Brazil, and Sam moving between states in the U.S. – they grew unexpectedly close.

"I remember teaching Gabi how to use an axe and then a week later she had more hours logged than me," Sam tells me – unsurprising, as the other great love story here may as well be between Gabi and Stardew Valley itself.

"It is a nice way to spend time together but it was our main way to get to know each other deeper. I fell in love with Gabi while playing Stardew," adds Sam. A recommendation about a game I'd loved for years resulting in two of my best friends falling in love is an outcome I don't think anyone could have anticipated. It definitely wasn't the intention of the Harvest Moon-inspired farming simulator; hell, most people romance NPC villagers in the game itself.

"We romanced each other on our own farm [...] When Sam proposed in game he surprised me when I was getting back from a day in the mines with a heart-shaped pattern dug on the ground. After that, Sam married me on my solo farm," Gabi says. Although, she admits that she had been married to – and subsequently divorced from – Haley, Stardew Valley’s resident mean girl with a photography hobby.

Others never married outside of their one true love. Eileen and Logan, a couple from Arizona and Texas respectively, never romanced NPCs. Logan introduced the game to Eileen during their three years spent in a long-distance relationship, and as the two remained committed to each other in-game as well, I ask how it brought them closer together.

"We think it was just a nice way to spend time together while apart," Eileen explains, stating that their favorite part was "[...] being able to share this cute little world together and bonding over our love of video games!"

Home and hearth

But while Stardew Valley provides a space for long-distance partners to bond, it’s not always about two people playing it together. Anthony and Michelle met through the streaming community, with Anthony residing in New York and Michelle in California.

"One of my favorite things to do was watch her stream the game on Discord and show me the progress of her farm and learn about the mods that she would use for the game," shares Anthony. "Stardew most definitely brought us closer together and honestly at times made this distance feel non-existent."

As someone who isn't great at co-op games, and often finds themself far too frustrated with friends who are just trying to have fun, I was curious as to how that may factor into playing with a romantic partner. Different playing styles can clash greatly and make or break the ability to work together within the virtual world, after all.

"[I] handled the aesthetics and Logan focused on fishing and mining," Eileen says when asked how they found synergy within the game. It's a very sensible and domestic approach which leans heavily into the casual aspect of what can be quite a grindy game.

For my friends Gabi and Sam, it appears to be more of a give and take. "I was very strict about the organization of the chests and I would make Gabi save everything instead of selling it," according to Sam, a tactic that would make many veteran Stardew players balk.

"But when it came to fishing or the caves she was in charge. She definitely gets things done faster than me. I will spend all day planting crops in a specific order. I am lucky that she has a soft spot for me because she lets me be very particular," Sam continues, painting a clear picture of their dynamic and how it works seamlessly in a game that provides players with so much freedom to shape it into whatever they wish.

Stardew Valley may not be a consistent presence within these couples' relationships anymore, but it played an undeniably important role in them once upon a time. Eileen and Logan used to play every day, with Sam and Gabi echoing a similar sentiment. Nowadays, with Eileen and Logan, as well as Anthony and Michelle, being together in person, they can enjoy each other's company while playing games together and separately – though never far apart.

While Stardew Valley's 10th anniversary will bring much celebration for its decade-long journey, its numerous updates, and the massive influence it continues to have over the farming simulator space, I'm grateful for its quieter victories, too.

Stardew Valley brought two of my best friends together, as well as countless others when vast distances might have driven them apart. True, Stardew has fallen to the wayside for Sam and Gabi in favor of other co-op games to explore in their long-distance relationship, but it's clear this one will always be special to them.

Immediately after speaking to both, I saw a notification pop up on Steam. Gabi had just loaded up Stardew Valley, and Xbox informed me Sam was doing the same.

These games like Stardew Valley will have you building the cozy digital life you've always dreamed of.