The weirdest things we've ever found in video game toilets

Time for poop jokes

Let's talk about toilets for a minute here. In case you need a reminder, they were designed as depositories for human waste. We've all found disgusting surprises swimming around their bowls in the real world--but we find even more goodies in video game toilets. And those "goodies" range from incredibly useful to downright bizarre.

Grenades (Borderlands)

If Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, your very best friend in the whole world, walked up to you and said, "dude, The Rock just dropped a grenade in the toilet," you'd probably assume he was talking about a large chunk of fecal matter. Unless you were hanging out on Borderlands' Pandora, in which case there are literal grenades in toilets, among other munitions.

Cheese (Perfect Dark)

As the old saying goes, "Alright, who cut the cheese? AND WHO KEEPS PUTTING PERFECTLY GOOD SLICES OF EXTRA SHARP CHEDDAR IN THE DAMN TOILET?"

A living person (The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask)

After blowing all his cash on black tar heroin, Oscar the Grouch discovered that even a trash can was too expensive of a housing situation. He has since relocated to a potty in Termina's Clock Town Hotel, suffering horrible, horrible disfiguration in the process.

Explosive turds (Counter-Strike)

Dear reader: despite this turd's appearance, it is far from your average excrement. This poo is explosive. As in it explodes when shot with a firearm. Do not try this at home, as toilets are actually quite expensive, even when on sale with free shipping via Amazon Prime.

Hypodermic needles (Saw: The Video Game)

How's this for bathroom stall poetry?

Sentient life (Banjo-Kazooie)

Despite his many protests, Loggo was unable to convince his pals Banjo and Kazooie that he was, in fact, a living toilet, and thusly ill-fit for bathroom use. This earned him a starring role in the upcoming horror flick The Human Toilet, directed by Dutch filmmaker Tom Six.

A wallet (Silent Hill 2)

"Dear James,

Potato (BioShock Infinite)

Well, better than pineapples, I guess.

Gold bar (Sniper Elite V2)

No, you're not looking at a toilet bowl-sized turd. This dookie surprise is pure gold, my friend. Literally. That's a bar made out of solid gold. Fact: This is what happens when you combine Goldschlager and fifty pounds of glitter in the human digestive system.

A robot (Fallout 3)

A question that keeps me up at night: when robots go to the bathroom, do they participate in the act of uploading or downloading?

A human head (Afterfall Insanity)

Aaaaand now we know where the bathroom phrase "hit the head" comes from. Heyoooooo!

Screwdriver (Resident Evil: Revelations)

Barry: "Hey Jill, where did you, the master of unlocking, put the screwdriver?"

Toilet humor

What other random things have you found in video game toilets during your many virtual adventures? Were they useful? Funny jokes? Just kind of nasty? Let us know in the comments below.