Begbie
Psych Ward: Trainspotting (1996)
Symptoms Of Insanity: Quick to take offence; uncanny flair for improvised weaponry (pool cue, pint glass, his head); wears a 'tache.
If He Was On Your Bus: He'll be taking up two seats, just to get a rise out of the poor cunt who asks him to move over.
So, although there's nowhere else to sit, keep your mouth shut and stand. Let some other sap get the crap kicked out of him.
Annie Wilkes
Psych Ward: Misery (1990)
Symptons Of Insanity: Delusional obsession with fictional characters; kidnapping for purposes of literature; frankly way too detailed knowledge of hobbling
If She Was On Your Bus: At first, you wouldn't notice her, head buried in a novel.
Until the shock death of her favourite character sends her in paroxsyms of rage. Best keep your feet tucked in.
Tommy DeVito
Psych Ward: Goodfellas (1990)
Symptons Of Insanity: Little man complex, leading to a hair-trigger temper and an inability to appreciate how funny he is.
If He Was On Your Bus: He'd be getting more and more irate at people accidentally sitting on him 'cause they hadn't seen him.
So when a fellow passenger mistakes him for a shoeshine boy, Tommy turns the bus timetable into an origami knife and stabs him in the face with it.
Gollum
Psych Ward: The Lord Of The Rings trilogy (2001-3)
Symptoms Of Insanity: Talks to himself; totally unconcerned with his looks; serious gold ring fetish.
If He Was On Your Bus: You'd mistakenly assume he'd been to the cinema to see a hard-hitting Oscar-nommed drama about an overweight victim of abuse.
However, that's not what he meant by "Precious." Check your pockets. Yup, he’s had your jewellery.
Hannibal Lecter
Psych Ward: The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Symptons Of Insanity: Psycho mind-games; wearing people's faces; unusual dietary requirements.
If He Was On Your Bus: He'd have you in tearful recollections of your childhood before you left the city.
And then he'd start feeding you sage and onion stuffing.
