Free sex toys offered to women who aren't getting enough sex because all the men are playing Diablo 3

A French online purveyor of adult rudery is using the recent launch of Diablo III to generate a bit of publicity for itself. The company, called Absoloo, is offering a free sex toy to any mademoiselle that posts a picture of herself holding a copy of Diablo III to Absoloo's Facebook page.

The idea behind the campaign is that the release of Diablo III has had a negative impact on the sexual needs of women because gaming men are notoriously bad at having sex when they're distracted by such compelling virtual activities as looting and levelling-up and so during this temporary dry patch women should use a rubberised mechanical phallus in order to satisfy libido expectations.

The campaign in no way relies on gender stereotyping.

Above: Diablo III (top) and a typical French woman

I was going to post some pictures of the women who have uploaded pictures of themselves to Absoloo's Facebook page, but instead I decided to make a graph that illustrates the problem of the declining amount of sex women receive from men when Diablo III has been released. Here it is:

Above: This graph is meant as a visual joke and should not be used for scientific research purposes

As far as I can tell - and admittedly my understanding of the French language is tres petite - Absoloo is not running an equivalent promotion for any sex-starved monsieur who has cruelly lost his belle to the addictive clutches of Diablo III. But I suppose that's because women don't play games. Clearly they are all too busy having a wank.

Our Diablo III review is coming along nicely. If you can stop playing Diablo III long enough you should definitely read it and not have sex with your partner instead.

Also, our friends over at CVG have been playing through Diablo III and here's 30 tips and tricks every Diablo 3 dungeon crawler should know


  • austin128 - May 19, 2012 11:21 p.m.

    Most people that play Diablo are dudes, get over it.
  • Craza - May 18, 2012 9:44 p.m.

    Good for me, my boyfriend and I are both avid gamers, so we're playing D3 together. We always set aside games for a little real fun though. ;) We've often set up the mood even while playing something together. (Many a game of Portal 2 and Borderlands has been interrupted) Hehe. On a less personal note: I would totally wanna score a free sex toy, even if I'm not being deprived of relations. No pun intended.
  • talleyXIV - May 18, 2012 5 p.m.

    They are having negative sex according to that graph. Arguing?
  • NullG7 - May 19, 2012 12:27 a.m.

    No you can argue and have sex at the same time. No what that is silent lack of contact. Without electronic aid only the most hardened souls can endure it; though luckily Diablo III just came out... Oh wait that's what started it... Guess It all Worked out...
  • mbavalo - May 18, 2012 2:18 p.m.

    Hahaha, candy article, funny that that actually happens! But good thing is that it will only be temporary, then we can go on overpopulating the world
  • Jasman - May 18, 2012 11:56 a.m.

    Dispatch the meat pillars!
  • PistonTwister - May 18, 2012 9:11 a.m.

    Is that Marion Cotillard in the pic.........hmmmmmmmmmmmm This was a real Cundy article wasnt it!
  • db1331 - May 18, 2012 8:59 a.m.

    If you would rather play a video game than have sex with your girlfriend/wife, then you need a new girlfriend/wife.
  • HollyGreen - May 18, 2012 9:16 a.m.

    Or you need to reshift your priorities. Seriously, who thinks to themselves, "Well if you'd rather play video games than have sex then clearly the problem is the woman you're sleeping with." ? No, likely the problem is YOU.
  • Redeater - May 18, 2012 9:25 a.m.

    Wait, are we talking like on a normal basis or on a release day. If this scenario falls on the release date of Bioshock:Infinite then I have some bad news.....
  • db1331 - May 18, 2012 10:13 a.m.

    I'm not saying it's the woman's fault. I'm saying that obviously something is wrong if you would rather play a game than have sex with her. Clearly sex is better than any video game. I don't care how often you're getting it or how new/good the game is. Case in point: A lot of guys might have taken Diablo 3 over their S.O. on launch day. There isn't a man on Earth who would have taken Diablo 3 over a woman like the one in this article, or say a Kate Upton, or even just a nice 8/10. It's not because they want Diablo 3 more than sex. It's because they want Diablo 3 more than sex with their S.O.
  • mbavalo - May 18, 2012 2:17 p.m.

    Women are forever present on earth.. Diablo servers could all somehow shutdown in a day.. just too suddenly.. Prioritize your life my friend! And Diablo does not constantly nag for attention or presents or dates or cheat on you.Now with those fine words of advice, let me proceed to get the game
  • DingoBerry - May 21, 2012 3:43 p.m.

    Yes, because as all gamers know, anything that is a 7/10 or less is total crap and not worth your time...
  • ScrEAMaPiLLar - May 18, 2012 7:33 a.m.

    Where was my free flesh lite when Twilight came out hmmm! Pretty sure a lot of gamer chicks would be pissed about this.
  • ParagonT - May 18, 2012 7:22 a.m.

    Awesome article!
  • taokaka - May 18, 2012 6:37 a.m.

    wait, so when Diablo 3 came out people started having negative sex, how does that work????
  • Hobogonigal - May 18, 2012 8:33 a.m.

    Negative sex = masturbation
  • Redeater - May 18, 2012 9:27 a.m.

    Masturbating to demon hunters has gone up 600%.
  • KolbitosFruitJuice - May 18, 2012 6:33 a.m.

    Go on then. Have a wank.
  • Clovin64 - May 18, 2012 6:04 a.m.

    Oh Cundy, please never change.

Showing 1-20 of 21 comments

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