No genius without madness
We've talked about false Mario rumors everyone believed, we've talked about false Pokemon rumors everyone believed, and so many false rumors exist for so many games that we have material to last until the sputtering heat death of the universe. But still, finding good rumors for Grand Theft Auto proved tricky, mostly because the vast majority of them are true. But we did it internet--we did it for you.
Here we have a supply of 9 totally fake rumors that everyone believed about GTA, freshly refinished for your reading pleasure. From cement-shoed mobsters to statues with a little heart, GTA provides all kinds of insane treats for your horrified pleasure, but these things? Sorry to say, but they're not on the list.
There's a zombie Elvis in GTA 3 and Vice City
This one got GTA 3 and Vice City players all shook up: the rumor that a zombified Elvis Presley can be found roaming the streets of our favorite crime-tolerant locales. It all started with an article on the front page of Liberty Cock newspapers found throughout the city proclaiming "ZOMBIE ELVIS FOUND". Though it was meant to make fun of real-life rumors to that effect that were pervasive in the 80's and 90's, people started to take it seriously, and some even documented run-ins with Elvis Presley NPCs on the Las Venturas Strip. Holy pomade, the King lives!
Exceptnot really. Just like the newspaper article was meant to be a joke based on real-world occurrences, those NPCs are also based on something true to life: Vegas Elvis impersonators. Not only are there multiple Elvis NPCs that are just recolors of each other, but they can appear in the same place together, proving that none of them are true-blue. It's also worth noting that none of them show any hint of shambling, rotting flesh or a hunger for gray matter. Jeez, how did we miss that?
There are dinosaurs in GTA San Andreas
Have you ever been running down pedestrians in San Andreas, or fleeing the entire U.S. military in Liberty City, and thought to yourself how someone getting eaten by a velociraptor would make the experience perfect? Then you were probably one of the people dancing in their seats when they heard that GTA was going to include dinosaurs, or at least have them buried somewhere in the code for you to find. Sorry to say, intrepid dino-sniper, but you won't be encountering any vicious reptilian opponents anytime soon.
This rumor grew out of the misconception that GTA was once a Jurassic Park game and worsened by mods. Dinosaur mods have been made for each main series entry since San Andreas, and are still going strong in GTA 5. This myth got so popular that Rockstar even included a giant purple dinosaur in GTA 5 as a joke, as well as some lovely graffiti about a dinosaur with a saddle, and that still didn't quell the rumors. Sorry guys, guess you'll just have to stick to that old Lost World arcade game.
Bigfoot shows up in San Andreas, along with the Loch Ness monster and a sewer rat man
Gather 'round the campfire everyone, and I will tell you of the horrid monsters that roam Liberty City and San Andreas streets. Rumor has it that all sorts of urban legendary creatures exist in the GTA universe, from a Loch Ness monster in San Andreas and 5 to a sewer rat-man in IV. And of course, there's no forgetting the granddaddy of them all: Bigfoot, which has supposedly appeared in every GTA since 3. But when we put the coals out and it's time to call it a night, these tall tales are not shorter in the GTA world.
Some of these rumors sprung up due to glitches which distorted bodies or shadows, and excitable fans put names to the resulting monstrosities. Some were the result of misunderstandings--contrary to (sort of) popular belief, the giant skeleton found in the ocean in GTA 5 is from a whale, not Nessie. And of course there's always mods to wrangle impressionable imaginations. Still, these rumors live on in infamy to this day, and not only has the likes of Red Dead Redemption poked fun at them, but Rockstar themselves threw Bigfoot into GTA 5 with a wink and a nod. So that one's a little right, I guess?
Leatherface, Samara, Pyramid Head and Piggsy spread terror through San Andreas
For players out there who think they're too tough for Bigfoot or Lizardmen, what about Leatherface? Samara? Pyramid Head? Well you're in luck then, because they are all rumored to exist somewhere in GTA--or out of it, because they actually don't.
It's fair to say that GTA has its share of creep-fuel, like weird abandoned buildings and an empty saw mill in the middle of the woods. Some fans just tend to overindulge, and have asserted that terrifying figures of film and games populate those places. That saw mill is apparently the base of operations for Leatherface, and he will kill you dead of you go near it. Samara supposedly emerges from CJ's TV in San Andreas, and Pyramid Head and Piggsy are bunking together in an old wooden house on the interstate. Of course, none of that is true--excluding Samara (who is the result of a pedestrian spawn glitch) there's no evidence that any of these freaky folks appeared in the games before mods of them were widely available. Unmasking the monster kind of takes away the scare, doesn't it?
CJ's mom's ghost haunts their house in San Andreas
Sasquatches? Meh. Chainsaw wielding nutjobs? Not so bad. But the ghost of CJ's mother Beverley Johnson, coming back to haunt her estranged son following her violent death? Now that would be enough to send you screaming from Los Santos, if it were true. Criticize its fakeness all you like, whoever came up with this myth has a flare for the dramatic.
As fans will remember, it's Beverley's death that brings CJ home after years of no contact with his family, and their relationship was certainly on the ropes. Perishing in CJ's absence, she may have felt abandoned by her son, leaving her in Los Santos at the mercy of gang warfare. So Mama Johnson coming back from the grave as a vengeful ghost, haunting the family home and nearby graveyard, would be a pretty interesting twist. That doesn't make it any truer, however--no information on such a ghost exists in San Andreas' code, and screenshots that support the myth have been deemed photoshopped. Sorry mama, we never meant to hurt you.
You can meet Lola the prostitute in GTA 4
Does the name Lola del Rio ring a bell? No? Lollipop girl from the cover of GTA 4? Theeeere we go. She's fairly popular despite pretty much no one knowing her name or very much about her (besides the fact that she's a prostitute, which is surely inconsequential), and many fans took to message boards the world over for help finding her in the game. Sadly for budding Johns out there, this lady's unavailable. Wait, no, there's a better word. Non-existent. That's the one.
Admittedly, some of the confusion falls on Rockstar for this one, since a file on Lola does appear in the Liberty City Police database. Within, players can find details of her arrest record, as well as information on her usual hangouts. However, like many of the fun/outrageous/downright bizarre tidbits inserted into GTA games, Lola doesn't actually exist, and there is nothing to be found if you go in search of her. Maybe she turned over a new leaf, or really did become an actress like she always wanted. Good for you, Lola. Follow your dreams.
Some pedestrians are programmed to be suicidal
This one ties with Bigfoot for staying power, since fans keep finding "proof" with each new release: suicidal pedestrians. Apparently living in lawless lands like Liberty City and Los Santos can drive grill-fodder pedestrians to the brink, and they think their only option is running off a freeway bridge, or falling off a roof, or diving in front of that speeding Camaro that's tearing down the street for some reason. This would add a pretty somber note to the GTA series if it were true, but there's a hitch in the whole myth that proves it wrong--the peds aren't depressed or hopeless. They're just stupid.
Now, it is true NPCs will jump off the Bedford Point Expressway bridge in GTA 3, and the photographer NPC really will walk into the ocean in San Andreas, but all these occurrences have one thing in common: path glitches. These same peds will run off cliffs when frightened, or jump in front of cars in an ironic attempt to get away. Turns out these peds are less lost souls and more terrified lemmings.
You can visit Atlantis in San Andreas and GTA 5
With all the aliens, Illuminati maps, and mysterious mountainside carvings (that look oddly like Jesse Pinkman), weird Atlantis conspiracy theories were probably getting lonely. Good thing San Andreas came along and introduced its weird, shadowy sea world, in addition to the Atlantis-like location shown in a trailer for GTA 5. However, as fast as rumors of this mythical city spread, they don'thold water.
This rumor is one of the few to have undoctored photographic evidence, making it convincing to overly trusting theorists. However, that doesn't keep it afloat: images from the San Andreas Atlantis come from a mod that spawns a beach party underwater, and the underwater wreckage in GTA 5 is just a plain old, non-mythical shipwreck. While that doesn't mean there's nothing interesting to find in Liberty City's surrounding depths--especially if you're interested in whale bones and or serial killers--magical merfolk aren't on that list. Sorry to say, but this rumor's all washed up. (Sunglasses, please.)
The mystery shed in GTA 5 contains a jetpack
This one's the matryoshka doll of GTA rumors, with so many hopes and dreams packed into its tiny form. Ever since jetpacks appeared in San Andreas, gamers have been chomping at the bit to take to the skies in one again. At the same time, when the GTA 5 trailer was released, wild speculation started to swirl around a mysterious shed at the top of Mt. Chiliad. Though fresh theories about the shed poured out of the internet daily, none came close to the popularity of the rumor that a jetpack was hidden inside. Simple, humorous, cathartic--and false. Heart-crushingly false.
As opposed to the other rumors on this list, all it took to kill this one was time. Once GTA 5 hit shelves, redditors made a beeline for the mountaintop, and found the sad truth--it was an aerial tramway station, and there was no jetpack in sight. Hope for traversing the skies on wings of fire was lost. However, there was something else in the station: a cryptic drawing covered in odd symbols, one of which looks just likea jetpack. The search continues.
Mowin' 'em down
Of all the insane, weird, over the top things about GTA that are specifically not true, these are definitely our favorites. Got a better disproven rumor for us? Sighs of disappointment for what will never be? A story about how you absolutely saw Nessie and we have no idea what we're talking about? Leave them in the comments below, and don't despair--you'll get that jetpack from those Illuminati spacemen someday.