Space Invaders movie on the way, because Hollywood is where dreams are made

Faced with the dilemma of having turned literally every story ever told by humans into at least three movies (all of them excellent, obviously, and most of them starring Sam Worthington), Hollywood executives have turned to the obvious next source of inspiration: things that aren't stories. In addition to the upcoming Battleship and Monopoly movies, Lorenzo di Bonaventura – producer of all three Transformers movies, as well as Doom and Constantine – has just acquired the rights to Space Invaders, with a view to making it into a blockbuster...

The Space Invaders film will be co-produced by Gigi Pritzker, who's quoted as telling an interviewer that one of the hardest parts of making a movie is “getting good material” and who previously produced The Spirit, one of the worst-regarded movies ever to be based on beloved source material. Pritzker and di Bonaventura are currently searching for a writer to pad out the bits between “shooting lots of aliens”, “one alien moves quickly,” and “shooting lots more aliens.” Some free suggestions, right off the bat? Add some kissy-kissy crap, make sure the line “we've got company” appears at least twice, and give the hero a tortured relationship with his dead father. Also, cast Sam Worthington. Duh.