Oh no, everyone's in horny jail over the new Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom trailer

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf — (Image credit: Nintendo)

The final Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom trailer confirmed the long-awaited return of the iconic villain Ganondorf, saw our hero Link team up with allies ala Hyrule Warriors, and made fans (perhaps irresponsibly) hopeful for a playable Zelda, but as ever, all anyone can talk about is how hot everyone is.

Newly revealed official Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf art. I get it, he's hot. (Image credit: Nintendo)

If you've been around the block as many times as I have, you saw this coming right from the moment Ganondorf's official artwork was revealed. The dude's built like an armored tank with sick tats and intricate jewelry, and his fire-red beard/ponytail combo would make Jason Momoa jealous. Never mind that he's an unambiguously evil Gerudo warlock (that makes him hotter); Ganondorf's a solid ten, and it makes his return after 17 long years all the more thrilling. That said, it isn't just the legendary big bad fans are thirsting for, it's everyone - well, everyone except for poor ol' Link.

Here are just a few reactions from the internet's ever-reliable hornification of the new Tears of the Kingdom trailer. Spoiler: Not even the Lynels are safe.

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This who I will be finding. Zelda u can wait https://t.co/rQhYCzur3e

— st_hedge on April 13, 2023

ohhhh nooooo ganondorf don’t catch me I am so clumsy and I tripped and fell and now there’s no way I can win 🫣 https://t.co/IruQxBfkh6

— MicaBurton on April 13, 2023

I will be joining Tucker Carlson at 8 pm to discuss the left’s newest strategy to make your kids gay (short hair Zelda and beefcake Ganondorf)

— abughazalehkat on April 13, 2023

actually that’s my husband

— abughazalehkat on April 13, 2023

I hope there’s a Sidon sex scene in tears of the kingdom idk

— numberoneszafan on April 13, 2023

add urbosa and it’s a party https://t.co/H0zp014fKw

— imnotchase on April 13, 2023

Zelda looks so sexy with short hair omg.

— Louvienne_ on April 13, 2023

they really double down on everyone being hot, huh https://t.co/aDh8yWuGIp

— doomquasar on April 13, 2023

Why’d they have to put the lynels in borderline leather harnesses plz 👽

— FranchToast on April 13, 2023

This could go on and on, but we'll leave it there. Point is, no longer is the internet's interminable thirst for unconventionally attractive video game characters limited to tall vampire ladies and daughters of the underworld, it's now expanded to include literally any living thing with a symmetrical face and good hair. In totally unrelated news, see y'all later today for the Final Fantasy 16 State of Play.

Here's where you can pre-order The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom in case you're in the mood.

After earning an English degree from ASU, I worked as a corporate copy editor while freelancing for places like SFX Magazine, Screen Rant, Game Revolution, and MMORPG on the side. I got my big break here in 2019 with a freelance news gig, and I was hired on as GamesRadar's west coast Staff Writer in 2021. That means I'm responsible for managing the site's western regional executive branch, AKA my home office, and writing about whatever horror game I'm too afraid to finish.