Just give up already
Whether I'm playing an FPS, full-blown MMO, RPG, or adventure game, there's always an awesome-looking, powerful weapon that I want, but can't have. Well, actually I can have it, but actually acquiring it takes so much freaking effort that fulfilling the requirements will break the very foundations of my soul. Maybe it's not that bad, but the process of getting these Holy Grail weapons can totally suck.
How much does it suck? A whole lot. There are weapons out there that force you to jump through so many fiery hoops it's ludicrous. What weapons, you ask? The ones that I put in this article. Take a look and join me in weeping as I detail the over-complicated methods to acquire some of gaming's most sought-after weapons.
Exotic weapons in Destiny
What are they? Exotic weapons are the cream of the crop. The best, most powerful weapons to be seen in Destiny so far. Not only do they look absolutely awesome and have racehorse-like names, they also feature special stats and abilities that make them ultra dangerous to anyone you put in front of it.
The insane requirements for unlocking them: Sure, there are some exotics that will just spring up from extremely rare random drops. But the only surefire way to get gats like Thorn or Bad Juju is to complete exotic weapon bounties, which are pretty hardcore. For example, Bad Juju's exotic bounty challenges you to do a ridiculously difficult Nightfall Strike, complete 25 strikes after that, buy an item from the weekend Tower visitor Xur, and kill a bunch of Guardians in the Crucible. Quite a monumental task. Then there's a gun that called the Vex Mythoclast, which requires you to complete the Vault of Glass raid on hard for a chance to get it. Good luck getting a group together to farm that.
Foam Finger in Dead Space 2
What is it? Dead Space 2's foam finger has to be one of the coolest "guns" you can unlock in a video game. What appears to be a typical red foam finger, the kind sportsball fans and Miley Cyrus can be seen waving around with abandon, is actually the most powerful weapon in the world of Dead Space 2. It can completely dismember anything instantly, using what seems to be psychic powers bestowed upon Isaac. The best part: every time you fire, Isaac exclaims, "pew, pew" and "bang, bang."
The insane requirements for unlocking it: This is a bit of a doozy. Running through dark halls with necromorphs hiding in corners and vents trying to eviscerate you isn't what I'd call the most relaxing experience. But in order to get the Finger, you have to crank the difficulty up to Hardcore. In addition to tougher enemies and even more limited resources, you only get three, count 'em, three saves. But if you conquer Hardcore's challenge, you're aptly awarded the Foam Finger. Though, you'll probably never want to touch the game again after that ordeal.
Additional knives in Battlefield 4
What are they? Come on. You don't know what knives are? They're sharp. They insta-kill anyone you touch in modern military shooters, and they are one of the best ways to rub an opponent's defeat in their face. In Battlefield, you get a dogtag with the player's name on it for goodness sake! But really, the best part of it is: killing an enemy with a knife gives them a perfect view of the stylized cutlery before it all goes black. Get an especially cool looking knife and your enemies will definitely have blade envy.
The insane requirements for unlocking it: You start off with a crummy, plain-looking knife, but to get the really fancy knives in Battlefield 4, you just have to rely on pure luck. As you kill enemies and gain experience in Battlefield 4's multiplayer, you earn Battlepacks, which contain random weapons, camoes, and sometimes knives. You can use real money to buy your way to a better stabbing device, or just play the game till the cows come home, but either way, you probably won't get the knife you want any time soon. Oh, and this same bait-and-switch tactic applies to Counter-Strike: Global Offensive as well.
Scarab gun in Halo 2
What is it? The Scarab gun is a super secret, ultra-hidden Covenant weapon that you can find in Halo 2. Once you have it in your hands, your enemies will kneel before you in fear. Well, not really, but you can totally blast any and all Covenant aliens to smithereens with ease using the Scarab. But be careful: you can vaporize yourself just as easily.
The insane requirements for unlocking it: Whoever figured out how to get to the Scarab gun was one crafty mofo. In the Metropolis level (the one with the huge bridge you drive across), you have to bait a Banshee into following you down a lengthy tunnel (full of enemies and allies that could blow the Banshee up at any moment, mind you) until you reach a checkpoint at the end. Fly the Banshee through the checkpoint yourself and it will blow up, so there's no easy way out. Once you get through you can fly up and get the Scarab gun, but, holy cow, is that tunnel a nightmare.
Ice Arrows in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
What are they? Ocarina of Time's Ice Arrows are among the few optional items in the Legend of Zelda series. You don't use them to defeat a boss. You don't need them to solve any major puzzles. They really don't need to be used against any specific evil minion. The Ice Arrows are just in the game to look cool. And just for the gratification of freezing your enemies in giant ice blocks, the game sure puts you through a lot.
The insane requirements for unlocking them: In Gerudo valley, the thieves living there have set-up an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade-style trial of deathtraps called the Gerudo Training Grounds. It's an elaborate maze of rolling stone boulders, illusionary walls, and bottomless pits you must navigate in order to obtain nine keys to get to the arrows. Suffice to say, it's pretty easy to get lost and stuck. And it's all for a weapon you don't need.
Handcannon in Resident Evil 4
What is it? There are few more coveted weapons in the Resident Evil games than this handheld, high-caliber, zombie brain disintegrator. In Resident Evil 4, there's nothing more satisfying than stopping a chainsaw-wielding madman with a single blast to his noggin, or watching El Gigante topple at the power of a .50 caliber round. It's glorious!
The insane requirements for unlocking it: In exchange for the wondrous handcannon, you're going to have to put in a lot of work. The game's Mercenary's mode, is an extra challenge mode that lets you play as five Resident Evil characters--such as Leon, Wesker, and even Hunk--through Las Plagas-infested, timed stages. To get the handcannon, all you have to do is complete every stage with the highest possible rating...with every character...which is totally insane.
Ultimate weapons in FFX
What are they? In RPGs, getting the most powerful weapons can mean the difference between an easy victory and a crushing defeat. In Final Fantasy X, powering up your party's weapons ensures you'll completely devastate any enemy that stands in your way. Unfortunately, charging each weapon to its maximum potential is an extremely grueling task.
The insane requirements for unlocking them: Each character's weapon can be charged to its maximum potential at the Celestial Mirror, but in order to do that, you'll have to gather materials and do challenges for NPCs. None of them are a cake walk. Getting Titus' Caladbolg has you beat the Chocobo trainer at what he does best--ride Chocobos. Yuna's Nirvana has you capture nine fiends for the monster arena master. Then there's Rikku's Godhand, which tasks you to follow a very specific sequence of events in which one mistake will royally screw you. Not the most forgiving group of sidequests, to be sure.
Thunderfury in World of Warcraft
What is it? Thunderfury is legendary sword wielded by the elemental prince of air, named Thunderaan (I know, not the most clever of names), and is basically one of the most difficult weapons to obtain in WoW. Today, it's a bit easier to get the one-handed sword, since a level 90 character can easily defeat the former 40-man boss alone, but even so, it takes much, much more than one boss battle to get this bad boy.
The insane requirements for unlocking it: Essentially, Thunderaan has been imprisoned, and anyone who wants to get Thunderfury will need to accept a quest chain to obtain the pieces of the prison, reinforce a Vessel of Rebirth with WoW's version of unobtainium, set the elemental god free, and then kill it. Sounds simple, but it's not. Just collecting the materials for the process can take weeks to accomplish. But, once it's complete and you get the sword in your hands, you've got one hell of a conversation piece.
How many did you pick up?
Okay, those were the game weapons I thought were entirely too tough to actually acquire in-game. Did you obtain any of these? Are there any weapons with ridiculous requirements that you made an effort to get. Let me know in the comments below.