The Top 7… Useless additions to game sequels

More more more! Sequels need more! But not just more of what you already liked, NEW things! New things that are DIFFERENT and look good on the back of the box! Or maybe they don’t. Here’s a simple way to determine if what you’re adding is worth adding:


If you checked “yes,” then your new feature is f***ing stupid, and your game doesn’t need it. Introducing features for novelty’s sake only make us resent you for treating us like wide-eyed four-year-olds. We aren’t so easily pleased. Well, actually, we are pretty easily pleased – just introduce logical new features which advance your game’s core appeal without jumping the shark. Add stuff that matters, not this nonsense.

7. Motorcycles

You know what racing game has motorcycles? Moto GP. Project Gotham, you didn’t need motorcycles. Burnout, you didn’t need motorcycles either. You know what definitely didn’t need motorcycles?

Above: Shell’s Angels? 

Grand Theft Auto is one of the few series that benefited from the addition, because motorcycles conform to its formula. GTA was never about the cars, it was about destroying order by any means. Cars, motorcycles, boats, planes… whatever it takes to get what you want. Car racing games, however, can stay the hell away, unless they actually plan on mastering motorcycle physics, and aren’t just sticking them in because they look cool, which they usually are.

6. Sidekicks

The sign of a dying sitcom is the introduction of a new character. The same is not always true for game series – the introduction of Diddy Kong didn’t hurt Donkey Kong Country. Dixie Kong, strutted in to Donkey Kong Country 2, however…

Above: The hair, the eyelashes… it’s all so wrong 

And don’t get us started on Sonic’s cast of misfit anthropomorphic twats. Tails, Knuckles, Amy Rose, Big the Cat, Blaze the Cat, Cream the Rabbit (ew), Silver the Hedgehog, and don’t forget the werehog. WEREHOG.

Above: Sega’s “werehog” next to an etymologically correct WEREHOG (Kidrobot’s rendition of Manhunt’s Piggsy) 

Stop it! If you absolutely must add a new character, do it subtly – don’t make us deal with a certain glowing blue ball for the entire game. You know who I’m talking about, that whiney, demanding bitch.

5. “Unprecedented realism”

This one isn’t actually an addition, it’s just a statement. Every new sports game boasts UNPRECEDENTED REALISM. We assume that if you’re releasing an upgraded version of your last game, there will be more realism, unless you’re not striving for realism, so you can stop telling us that this game is more realistic than the last. Seriously, look at these excerpts from the feature descriptions of the last four Madden games:

Madden NFL 07: “Feel like you’re actually playing a football game!”
Madden NFL 08: “The most realistic NFL gaming experience ever.”
Madden NFL 09: “Most authentic gameplay ever.”
Madden NFL 10: “Unprecedented Authenticity.”

Notice how they get more concise – it’s as if even they realize how meaningless the statement is. We get it, each football game is more footbally than the last. Good job.

Above: Wait, so you’re saying that Madden 10 is slightly better than Madden 09? NO


Top 7


  • DreamWeaverPL - October 30, 2010 2:07 p.m.

    " Fallout: New Vegas makes sense, because it’s not a significant enough advancement to warrant the grand number four." Wow, now you look like a total douchebag.
  • Aletheon - October 12, 2010 4:28 p.m.

    Nero was awesome in DMC4.
  • Pruman - September 1, 2010 8:36 p.m.

    The open-world brain fever that swept the industry after GTA III took off ruined a couple of fantastic franchises for me: 1) The original MechAssault, while taking gross liberties with the rules of the BattleTech universe and trivializing its highly detailed lore, was a lot of fun if you turned off your brain and accepted it as as a balls-out action experience. Then MechAssault 2 came along and decided that we didn't want to pilot 90-ton giant killer robots anymore - oh no, we wanted to fly around in a tiny, fragile BattleArmor, or walk around as a person whose life could (and did) end in a single hit or step. Because that's what we want out of a series 2) Star Fox: Assault. Another case of "force the player to roam around on foot for the majority of the experience instead of fly the awesome space planes that we paid for." The proper Star Fox rail shooting levels were generally awesome. The roaming around the arena getting killed constantly and barked at over falling objectives? Not so much. Granted these were both level-based games and can't really be called strictly open-world, but I blame GTA for popularizing the "dude running around with guns causing trouble and stealing vehicles" play style, which I believe was the catalyst for these two failed games. Surprisingly, Crimson Skies was awesome as an open-world game. If they made a Star Fox game like that I would eat it up.
  • sk8r7 - August 19, 2010 7:25 p.m.

    strangely, captain price was in every call of duty that was not a spin off, even though he dies in the original 2003 call of duty for the pc (when it got game o the year edition). he was not in call of duty: finest hour, but he was in call of duty 2, 3, and world @ war and both modern warfares. he also plays key roles in every call of duty game that he's been in and usually is directing the player. In CODs 1 & 2, price is the squad's leader. but in modern warfare 2, he directs you towards objectives later on in the game and is soaps's partner and best friend. there are also some easter eggs for observant players. in COD #2, there are 2 pvts. that die and then you see them in later missions. sorry, i forgot their names
  • therawski - April 26, 2010 5:36 p.m.

    I immediately thought Spyro games, constantly adding annoying minigames and what not, I have the 3 Psone titles and after those the franchise should have been canned.
  • SenorHurt - April 25, 2010 3:45 p.m.

    Another great article. Keep'em coming. GamesRadar is fast becoming my #1 website. Thanks.
  • Ghostfreak49 - April 24, 2010 2:21 a.m.

    Listen, Tyler, I agree with you on alot of the stuff in this article, particularly the new heros thing (atleast a new playable character), but one thing I just can't stand for is the fact that you know you wanted Price to survive that final fight just as much as anyone, if not more. Now the whole putting Gaz behind a mask and calling him Ghost, that was stupid. Seriously, we can't recognize voice acting now? Or were we just too lazy to make his lips move, Infinity Ward?
  • american101 - April 23, 2010 8:02 p.m.

    .....Damn.... Lol, hell that sort hurt MY feelings, and i don't feel.
  • Catalyst - April 23, 2010 5:18 a.m.

    Navi is a demanding b*tch! lol
  • Maxamas2003 - April 23, 2010 12:34 a.m.

    We didn't know if captain price was dead, we assumed he was. The screen turned away while he was being revived and he adds to the plot. Captain price is the best!
  • silentmusic16 - April 22, 2010 11:30 p.m.

    eh, the only thing i don't agree with are the nero/raiden comments. I'm in the minority of MGS fans because i actually LIKE raiden. Snake's a badass, so we already know that he can do everything. it's cool to have a character who can't. and with nero, i liked him too. dante's too...idk, but i just never really liked him too much. he was cool, but i like nero better. any way, dante can do everything 2000x better than nero
  • Gelfdragon - April 22, 2010 10:40 p.m.

    haha I like where you near enough put every game in comparison with GTA:4, and just so you know for future reference MOTO GP is a motorcyle game... so yea there is need for motorcycles idiot ¬_¬
  • lukeskywalkertakingadump - April 22, 2010 9:02 a.m.

    Decent article.
  • Imthedoctor - April 22, 2010 12:40 a.m.

    haha you were pissed when you wrote that
  • RogueRED - April 22, 2010 12:18 a.m.

    People die in video games and come back all the time? why the hate for jill and captain price?
  • Skykid - April 21, 2010 9:13 p.m.

    Here's another catagory that'll make fanboys rip their hair out: Get rid of entire game franchises; namely ZELDA, WoW, Final Fantasy and... Super Mario Bros. Seriously, these games have reached pratically cult status.. ohhh too late for WoW, Mario and Zelda. Those games have become icons of religious worship
  • thefarkinator - April 21, 2010 7:21 p.m.

    Starcraft 2:wings of liberty is wings of liberty because there will be 3 sections (1 disc for each race's campaign). Therefore, they need to differentiate the three. Wings of Liberty --> Heart of the Swarm --> Legacy of the Void I think you guys can figure out which one each one is.
  • Clovin64 - April 21, 2010 7:18 p.m.

    During the run up to DMC4's release I totally loved Nero, only to start playing the game and realizing he was a complete whiny annoying emo prat. DMC5: Get rid of Nero and gives us more Dante!
  • bjt2012 - April 21, 2010 4:31 a.m.

    Nice Top 7!
  • infestedandy - April 21, 2010 1:19 a.m.

    Dude! Dixie Kong was a great addition to the series. I mean, all the Donkey Kong Country games are great but the second, Diddy's Kong Quest, is unmatched.

Showing 1-20 of 62 comments

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