Why download games when you could pay to wear... these... things?
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Xbox 360's Avatar Marketplace is the definition of hit-and-miss. For every lightsaber or guitar, there's a poodle purse or goldfish bowl. For every BioShock doll, there's a Minnie Mouse doll. For every remote control Warthog, there's a remote control Tails Tornado. Yes, that Tails.
To find the most embarrassing and excruciating clothing options, however, you have to dig deep both into your wallet and your dignity. Luckily, that's our job, so you can ridicule the results without any of the risks.
Here are the six stupidest outfits available on Xbox Live. If we ever catch you wearing any of this stuff online, you're right off our friends list.
The Sonic & Sega All-Star Racer
Once upon a 16-bit time, you could showcase your Sega love without feeling an ounce of shame. Now well, now you'll just look like a rejected fast food mascot with a pet monkey-gerbil. And everyone will pity you.
Billy Hatcher Helmet = $1.00 (80 MS)
AiAi Monkey Ball = $3.00 (240 MS)
Racing Suit = $2.00 (160 MS)
Total cost of humiliation? $6.00
The Disney Tourist
You might get away with wearing one of these theme park souvenirs for an innocent touch of childhood nostalgia. Maybe two if you're being ironic. Go for the full Floridian, however or even think about donning that denim jacket and you might as well be playing Farmville on a motorized scooter.
Goofy Hat = $3.00 (240 MS)
Tinker Bell Tote = $2.00 (160 MS)
Mickey Mouse Varsity Jacket = $2.00 (160 MS)
Total cost of humiliation? $7.00
The Fun Dad
Do you sometimes wish your parents appreciated gaming as much as you? Don't.
"Soda" Hat = $2.00 (160 MS)
"Pwned" Tee = $1.00 (80 MS)
Grill = $2.00 (160 MS)
Total cost of humiliation? $5.00
The International Stereotype
How many cartoonish generalizations can you count? Too bad I couldn't fit in the German lederhosen, Japanese kimono, Hawaiian grass skirt and Chinese firecrackers as well...
Scottish Kilt = $2.00 (160 MS)
Mexican Sombrero = $1.00 (80 MS)
American Torch = $3.00 (240 MS)
French (Italian?) Striped Shirt = $2.00 (160 MS)
Total cost of humiliation? $8.00
The "Mock Me, I'm Irish"
This is funny on March 17th, but on March 18th you just look like a douche.
Leprechaun Hat = $2.00 (160 MS)
Leprechaun Outfit = $3.00 (240 MS)
Mug Glasses = $1.00 (80 MS)
Pot of (o'?) Gold = $2.00 (160 MS)
Total cost of humiliation? $8.00
The Way Too Excited For Alan Wake
Good thing they made this merchandise available a full two months before release Wake Fever is catching coast to coast and Alaniacs are frothing with anticipation. Now when will we finally get the McDonalds toys and cereal box covers?
Alan Wake Dressup = $4.00 (320 MS)
Alan Wake Logo Hat = $1.00 (80 MS)
Alan Wake Book = $2.00 (160 MS)
Total cost of humiliation? $7.00
And the most humiliating number of all?
TOTAL COST OF ARTICLE = $41.00
What's the most embarrassing XBLA gear you've spotted recently? Please tell us you didn't buy it. We're professionals--we don't want you trying this at home, let alone on our friends tab.
Want more? How about our gallery of Celebrity Xbox Avatars and Celebrity Xbox Avatars--Round Two? Or watch us pit avatar against avatar in the great GamesRadar All-Console Avatar Showdown.