The Reduced SFX Company presents the first season of Fringe in handy bite-sized format
OVERALL SYNOPSIS OF SHOW
Rather like The X-Files, Fringe focuses on an FBI Agent who investigates unexplained goings-on. Unlike The X-Files, she does this with the help of a conman, his batshit-crazy scientific genius father, a female Agent who seems to be able to do anything except leave the laboratory where she works, and a very grumpy FBI boss.
Otherwise, however, this is exactly like The X-Files.
TEASER:
A MAN walks down the street. Suddenly he TRANSFORMS into a GIANT SNAKE ! Or his SKIN grows out of control and KILLS HIM ! Or he DISSOLVES into JELLY ! Or any number of these scenarios, as long as it is REALLY GORY !
OPENING CREDITS :
Lots of SPOOKY things fly around on the screen while SPOOKY music plays, bearing ABSOLUTELY NO RESEMBLANCE to the opening credits of THE X-FILES at all, especially the bits with the SPOOKY HAND and the random MYSTERIOUS WORDS . No similarity WHAT.SO.EVER. Nope. You’re imagining it. HONEST .
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ACT ONE
FBI AGENT OLIVIA DUNHAM discovers that her PARTNER and the MAN SHE LOVES , JOHN SCOTT , has betrayed both her and her country. Then he DIES .
OLIVIA : Men, huh? Bastards.
Because DEAD JOHN SCOTT was full of secrets, OLIVIA enlists the help of a CRAZY SCIENTIST named WALTER BISHOP and his son, PETER , to help read DEAD JOHN SCOTT’S mind using a flotation tank, lots of wires and some electrical gubbins.
OLIVIA : This is very important. I need to know what John Scott was thinking. Are you sure you can do this?
WALTER : Of course! It’s easy! Do-woop wibbly Pingu!
PETER : He’s mad. Don’t mind him. What I want to know is why you never say ‘John’, only ‘John Scott’.
WALTER : It’s because of the artichoke and the bandicoot!
PETER : Whatever, Walter.
OLIVIA is linked to DEAD JOHN SCOTT’S BRAIN . She absorbs some of his memories. This will be IMPORTANT later on. More importantly, though, it is TOTALLY RIDICULOUS , and gives you a clue as to just HOW DAFT this show is going to be.
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ACT TWO
OLIVIA , WALTER and PETER are called to the scene of the latest GORY DEATH by her GRUMPY BOSS , AGENT BROYLES .
AGENT BROYLES : I have called you here to look at this hideous mass of twitching, once-human flesh. Then I will go back to my office where, later in the episode, Agent Dunham will come and shout at me until I do what she says. This is my only function on the show.
OLIVIA : You do glare a lot as well.
BROYLES : Good point. [Glares at her]
The BODY is brought back to WALTER’S SECRET HARVARD LABORATORY , which appears to exist in a HOLE IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM because all the establishing shots of the building show it is SUMMER when the rest of the episode’s action takes place in WINTER .
WALTER : This man died because he was given a virus/genetic mutation/poison/radiation therapy! Also, I really fancy a blue Slush Puppie laced with LSD right now.
OLIVIA : I will accept your diagnosis, no matter how insane it sounds, because I am absolutely, 100% not Dana Scully.
In the NEXT SCENE, OLIVIA is walking down a corridor in the dark holding a FLASHLIGHT . She looks like DANA SCULLY . Unlike DANA SCULLY , she is there not because AGENT MULDER told her to do it, but because DEAD JOHN SCOTT told her to go there in a dream.
OLIVIA : Hey, here are some secret files! Having my dead ex-lover popping up now and then to help me with my cases is really awesome.
PETER : Just don’t have sex with him, cos that would be necrophilia.
WALTER : Bibble! I once committed necrophilia with a turnip and a Komodo dragon.
PETER : Shut up, Walter.
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ACT THREE
The SECRET FILES lead OLIVIA to an organisation with a SILLY ACRONYM for a name which apparently wants to DESTROY THE WORLD THROUGH TECHNOLOGY . It’s something to do with an EVIL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND held in PRISON in GERMANY .
EVIL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND : Beam me up, Scotty!
The EVIL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND is now in America. He used a TELEPORTATION DEVICE built by WALTER many years ago. This is COOL .
EVIL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND : Curses! I’m dying of radiation poisoning!
This is NOT COOL .
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ACT FOUR
Lots of GORY DEATHS happen, including an episode where a guy turns into a GIANT PORCUPINE on a plane. Even THE X-FILES wouldn’t have been this silly.
OLIVIA : All these weird events happening... It’s some kind of Pattern and it’s building to something huge!
WALTER : It’s timey-wimey stuff with a dash of parallel worlds thrown in. Perfectly ordinary, nothing to worry about! Wibble! Hey, does anybody ever take my pet cow for a walk? The poor thing just stands in the corner of my lab every day without moving, adding the odd ‘Moo’ to the action whenever required. It’s quite cruel to keep it confined for so long, you know!
ASTRID [sighing]: I’ll walk it every day, then, even though I’m a genius and a qualified FBI agent and this isn’t in my job description.
WALTER : Thank you, Asterix.
ASTRID : I secretly loathe you.
A MYSTERIOUS BALD MAN turns up. He is from ANOTHER DIMENSION or something. We suspect he has come from THE ISLAND on LOST because he usually brings the same music over with him.
MICHAEL GIACCHINO : You try scoring two top-rated TV shows at the same time without repeating yourself! Anyway, if you want to criticise, why haven’t you mentioned all the lens flare going on, just like there was in the Star Trek movie?
There is a lot of LENS FLARE going on, just like there was in the STAR TREK movie. Also, CLINT HOWARD is in one episode.
CLINT HOWARD : You think JJ Abrams hiring one old Star Trek actor is cool? Wait till you see who’s in the finale!
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ACT FIVE
DEAD JOHN SCOTT no longer appears to OLIVIA , mainly because her brain EXORCISED all his memories, but also because MARK VALLEY got the lead role in HUMAN TARGET and left. Now OLIVIA has a SISTER and a NIECE to help her show her softer side.
NIECE : I am adorable and cute and represent everything my Aunty lost when she gave up a normal life and chose to work for the FBI.
OLIVIA : Shut up and let me cuddle you again, you unfeasibly adorable child who is unspeakably perfect and not like a real child at all!
OLIVIA’S SISTER : I’m glad you’re not really Agent Scully or, being your sister, I’d be dead by now.
OLIVIA : Good point. I don’t fancy getting kidnapped and experimented upon by aliens, either.
OLIVIA is kidnapped and experimented upon by an FBI DOUBLE-AGENT she used to trust.
PETER : Isn’t he a bit like Alex Krycek? Wow, this show really /is/ The X-Files reimagined!
JJ ABRAMS : I’ve given up trying to hide it, so episode 2.01 will open with someone watching an episode of The X-Files as a cheeky in-joke.
PETER : I’m glad you’ve finally acknowledged it!
WALTER : Tinkle! Worms! Penis!
PETER : Ah, Walter. Sometimes I think you’re the only reason people watch this show. Nobody ever knows what totally crazy shit you’re going to say next.
WALTER : I love Sean Bean more than I love you, son!
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ACT SIX
After GORY DEATH #402, OLIVIA learns that she was experimented upon as a child and might have SPECIAL POWERS . These SPECIAL POWERS involve being able to turn LIGHT BULBS on and off at will.
OLIVIA : This might come in handy when I walk down all those dark corridors with nothing but a flashlight.
Elsewhere, ( POSSIBLY EVIL ) corporation MASSIVE DYNAMIC’S head honcho, NINA SHARP , is attacked. We discover she has a ROBOT HAND . There is a chance the show JUMPS THE SHARK at this moment, but that could have been in an episode in an ALTERNATE DIMENSION instead. Meanwhile, OLIVIA is now travelling between PARALLEL WORLDS and getting very confused.
OLIVIA : Where am I?
LEONARD NIMOY : You’re in an alternate timeline in which Khan Noonien Singh rules the Earth!
OLIVIA : Huh?
LEONARD NIMOY : Just messing with ya. Actually, you’re in the World Trade Center.
The CAMERA PANS OUT and yes, indeed, OLIVIA is standing at a window in one of the TWIN TOWERS .
AUDIENCE : COOOOOOOL!
FINALE FADE OUT .
PETER : Okay, so that’s season one over with. I only have one question now.
OLIVIA : Which is...?
PETER : Is this the only write-up about Fringe EVER that hasn’t mentioned I used to be Pacey in Dawson’s Creek? Not that I’m complaining, mind you.
WALTER : Hey Pacey – guess what?
PETER : What?
WALTER : Bow ties are cool!
PETER : Okay, Walter, now you’re really talking crazy.
ENDS.
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Script by Jayne Nelson.
