AC Unity's stunning Paris - how does it compare to 8 totally unrelated things?

Throughout the last few months, Ubisoft has been keen to point out just how realistic its version of 18th century 'revolutionary' Paris really is. Streets, people, and landmarks have been recreated in painstaking detail, and would undoubtedly be instantly recognisable to players who were alive back in 1789.

This has already prompted many of our competitors to run fascinating features that compare AC Unity's Paris to modern-day Paris, which - given that the two exist roughly 225 years apart - is a bit like comparing a grape to a raisin. Seeing how we were beaten to the punch on the whole game / real-life Paris comparison, we've instead decided to compare Assassin's Creed Unity's stunning rendition of Paris to eight totally random things. Enjoy! And learn.

Hmm, not a great start. Despite recreating the famous cathedral at Notre Dame in eye-breaking detail, the AC Unity team has totally failed to make it look anything like a child's trike. Poor show.

Let's take a closer look at that in-game version of Notre Dame. After squinting at it for several minutes, there's no way we can see a visual link between Paris' most famous religious monument, and 19th century romantic poet, John Keats. Very disappointing. It might be time to revisit our review score for Unity.

Ah the bustling market-heart of 18th century Paris. It looks positively alive in Assassin's Creed Unity, but frustratingly, it bears little resemblance to a DVD of Body Heat. Note how not even a single French peasant looks anything like William Hurt, or a plastic DVD box with a sleeve insert. Are you even trying, Ubi?

The palace at Versailles is the beating heart of French royal life, and in AC Unity, it's wonderfully detailed inside and out. We explored it for several minutes before realising that it in no way resembles a bottle of Cillit Bang. NO amount of opulent curtains and gold chandeliers can disguise the fact that it looks nothing like cheap floor cleaner.

Ah Bievres - the merchant district of Paris on the left bank of the river Seine. In Unity it's stuffed full of traders and and shipping equipment, quite unlike this bag of Walkers cheese and onion crisps, which contains only fried potato snacks. Such a wasted opportunity.

Ah-ha! Got a good feeling about this one, because both of these things have French names. And, after spending some time wandering around the famous artistic district of Paris, we did start to notice some similarities to the cinematic device of mise en scene. Well done, AC team!

After the success with 'Mise En Scene', we had high hopes for this one. However, after running around it for half an hour, we just couldn't see any similarities between Paris' notorious prison, and '90s bit-part actor Lou Diamond Phillips. Shame - we'd love to see the bastille starring alongside Emilio Esteves in Young Guns.

No. Even after scouring the inside of the French palace, we have to concede that it looks absolutely nothing like the hugely successful 1991 Chicago Bulls franchise. At one point, we thought we saw Scottie Pippen hiding behind a chaise-lounge, but it wasn't him.

Here are some things. 8 zero-point achievements that will make you cry, and winners of the 32nd annual Golden Joystick Awards.