10. Tony Pulis (WBA)
Ever practical, old Tone actually dons a hat when in rains in FIFA 17. Unfortunately, combined with a dark tracksuit with the collar pulled up to his chin, he looks like he’s on the run from the cops. Don’t worry, Tony. No one’s watching West Brom.
Rating: 3 stars
9. Claudio Ranieri (Leicester City)
The Italian is famous for his spectacles, and his smile, and for remarking “Dilly ding dilly dong” in a press conference, and also something about winning the Premier League title with a team whose odds were 5,000/1 in 2016. There were higher odds on Elvis being found alive. Leicester are in the Champions League now, Ranieri has an OMRI (an Order of Merit from the Republic of Italy), and Elvis remains dead. Dilly dong indeed.
Rating: 4 stars
8. Ronald Koeman (Everton)
Ro Ko captained the Netherlands in the ‘90s and is the only man to have both played and managed the top Dutch trio of Ajax, PSV, and Eindhoven. According to Wikipedia he has two sons, one of which is named Ronald like himself, indicating some bias. Here he looks like a shaved gorilla made from gingerbread. So pretty realistic, then.
Rating: 4 stars
7. Jürgen Klopp (Liverpool)
Jürgen Norbert Klopp led to Borussia Dortmund to back-to-back Bundesliga wins in 2011 and 2012, and he hopes to do the same with Liverpool, despite them not even being in the Bundesliga! Silly Klopp. He’s the league’s most charismatic manager (and also pretty bloody terrifying at times), and his well-worn crags are well represented here, although EA sadly hasn’t recreated his winning smile.
Rating: 4 stars
6. Arsene Wenger (Arsenal)
Poor Arsene. His own fans keep hanging up ‘please retire’ banners during matches because he insists on wearing a massive quilted jacket he can’t quite work out. And also because he hasn’t won the league in over a decade. But what’s wrong with always finishing fourth? At least he’s consistent. In 2003 Mr Arsenal presided over a Gunners team that didn’t lose a single game. It was the last time he smiled.
Rating: 4 stars
5. Sean Dyche (Burnley)
No nonsense Sean Mark Dyche has three very reliable one-syllable names. Sean. Mark. Dyche. That’s what he says before he kicks you into a big hole. Then he screams and the trees shake. He is more Night’s Watch Lord Commander than football manager, but that hasn’t stopped him earning promotion with Burnley two times. Find him on the touchline with an ever-clenched fist.
Rating: 4 stars
4. Slaven Bilic (West Ham)
The Premier League’s bad boy. This is the type of manager you hide chairs from incase he gets angry and on a whim decides to pick one up and batter you over the head with it. In his playing days he faked an injury and got Laurent Blanc sent off, causing the French defender to miss the 1998 World Cup Final. He also smokes occasionally.
Rating: 5 stars
3. Jose Mourinho (Manchester United)
One of the world’s most decorated managers, he’s won Champions League glory with Porto, Inter, and Real Madrid. The self-proclaimed Special One’s spell faded in recent years after a poor run with Chelsea last season left them just outside the relegation zone. EA use his tired face here to skillfully represent the passing of time.
Rating: 5 stars
2. Francesco Guidolin (Swansea City)
The further down the table you go, the less authentic FIFA 17’s Premier League managers look, mainly because less people care. Apart from, for some reason, Swansea’s Francesco Guidolin, who looks startlingly lifelike. It must be all the clear facial wrinkles being easy to shade. This is probably the best we’ll see from the bottom half of the table, even if there’s a slight Hogwarts caretaker vibe about him here.
Rating: 5 stars
1. Josep Guardiola (Manchester City)
EA cranked up the strength on its capture cameras for Pep and inadvertently stole his soul. He captained Barcelona from 1997-2001 before taking on managerial duties in 2008 and, along with it, all the credit for a winning side consisting of Messi, Henry, Eto’o, Xavi, and Iniesta. Psh, anyone could win with them. He favours a slim fit.
Rating: 6 stars
