F**k-it list! 7 tough life goals you can easily complete in games
Im gonna live forever, Im gonna learn how to fly...
Ahhh the Bucket List. While it's nice to think of all the things you'd like to do before kicking the proverbial bucket, how many people actually have the time (or money) to complete even one of their life goals? Well, lets not forget the cheats way out--you can tick off a load of them by completing them in games.
What do you mean, that doesnt count? I believe that the gaming experience can actually enhance your enjoyment of completing your bucket list. There's no horrible long haul flights, no putting your body through exertion and, best of all, you can do it while still in your pyjamas. And its yknow, gams. So, grab a drink and get comfy because we're about to experience the very best that life has to offer from the comfort of our chairs.
See the Northern Lights in... Skyrim
There's a haunting beauty to the Northern Lights. Their ethereal patterns (created as plasma ejected from the sun collides with atmospheric particles, fact fans), have inspired humans for millennia. However to see them IRL you normally have to go to the Arctic Circle... in Winter... at night. And you don't need me to tell you how cold that is. Do you? Really? It's... really cold.
It's far better to jump aboard Shadowmere, climb to the Throat of the World and enjoy the show from there. The Aurora is the crowning glory of Skyrim's achingly epic game world and just as awe-inspiring as the real thing. It even has the potential to distract you from whatever wild beast is gnawing on your face at the time.
Learn to play an instrument in... Rock Band
It takes years of dedication to master a musical instrument but, when you do, the results are phenomenal. Our recent article on metal covers of video game theme songs is proof of that. Learning an instrument gives you the ability to play all your favourite songs, to have an audience in raptures as you amaze them with your skills, and--let's not forget--music is the food of luuurve.
But who has the time? There are so many other things to be doing with your life... gaming for instance. Rock Band knows this and makes it easy to master two instruments (and the drums) in the space of a few short days without the painful blisters and frustrating years of practice.
Go skydiving in... Just Cause 2
For the ultimate adrenaline rush there's nothing more thrilling than skydiving. Jumping out of a plane with only a piece of canvas between you and an inevitably messy end contradicts every rational human instinct. Despite this, people flock in droves to have a go. Oh, and before anyone asks: NO, I will not sponsor you for doing it!
As exciting as it may seem, it cannot compare to the opening of Just Cause 2. This sees you skydiving in the dead of night to catch a gunner in mid-air while being shot at by anti-aircraft guns. As if this wasn't enough, immediately after landing you must infiltrate a military base to steal back a memory card and then rappel onto a helicopter to make your escape. Try doing that in real life and... well, you'll die.
Party hard in Vegas in... Fallout New Vegas
Who wouldn't want one last, Hangover-style blowout before they go? And where better to do it than Las Vegas? From the multitude of casinos, to the unique shows and even a wedding chapel, this city offers everything needed for a hedonistic night that you'll probably be glad you don't remember.
Now imagine all this, but with added robots, and you're pretty close to the Fallout: New Vegas experience. The game allows you to gamble until you're bankrupt, drink until you're addicted and even destroy the Hoover Dam, all in one night. Best of all you'll emerge from the experience free of real hangovers (unless you do it drunk) and regrets (ditto). Ideal.
Swim with dolphins in... Echo The Dolphin
Swimming with dolphins is number one on many people's bucket lists. Dolphins are amazingly intelligent and totally at ease as they frolic with people in the water. The experience is described as therapeutic, uplifting and even life-changing. Unfortunately, our desire to swim with dolphins can have negative repercussions on the animals themselves. Stress, repeatedly being called Flipper... you get the idea.
If you play Ecco the Dolphin you'll be doing the world a favour, then. You control Ecco as he embarks on a quest to save his fellow sea creatures. His journey takes him from his home, to the Arctic and even to flippin' Atlantis, meaning you can see a dolphin in environments tourists never could, all the while feeling smug about what an eco-warrior you're being.
Visit the great Pyramids of Giza in... Rome: Total War
The Pyramids of Giza are the last remaining Wonder of the Ancient World and still stand proud over 4,000 years after they were built. They are an engineering marvel and offer us a glimpse into Egypt's incredible history.
In Rome: Total War you are transported back to the Ancient World when the Egyptian Empire was on the wane and ripe for the taking. Egypt is only a short sail across the Mediterranean from the heel of Italy and, instead of just visiting the Pyramids, you can vanquish the Egyptians and have them all to yourself. In fact, you can conquer all the Wonders of The Ancient World, which bestow a unique bonus on your civilisation. Bonus: visiting Egypt virtually means you won't get a thunderous dose of the bum-runs after drinking non-bottled water.
Climb a mountain in... GTA 5
Everest, Kilimanjaro, Mont Blanc... climbing one of these is a bucket list favourite. You certainly get a nice view from the top and a sense of achievement. But is it really worth it? Youll probably suffer cold weather, altitude sickness and blistered feet. Not to mention the possibility that one of your team-mates might eat you.
Thankfully for people who like to get high without the effort there's always Grand Theft Auto. Mount Chiliad first appeared in GTA: San Andreas (although most recently it's in GTA 5) and is the highest point on the map. At the top, Rockstar has handily laid-on a parachute, a bike and a ramp. Youll soon be trying to see how many backflips you can do before you reach the ground. Something you can do in real life, but is probably worth saving for the end of your list.
Tick another one off...
Hopefully this list has shown you theres no limit to how lazy you can be when it comes to completing your bucket list. Do you even have a bucket list? If you do (you lazy bastard) what items could you tick off in a game. Let everyone know in the comments below.
Want more features, do you? Here's one about Games We Know Existed (But Can't Tell You About). Or--if you're into this sort of thing--a piece on Gaming's Most WTF Fanfic Mash-ups. Weirdness.