Baldurs Gate II: Shadows of Amn
Lilarcor, also known as Lawrence Lilarcor, is an enchanted sword whos REALLY ANNOYING. Talk with him by clicking on the converse button while examining the weapon in the inventory menu and hell say lines like, "I'd appreciate some quality time in my scabbard. Take a break... ahhhh, who am I kidding? Attack! Battle! Kill! Hee heeee...... this is what I live for!" Its novel for all of five seconds--like if your spoon started breakdancing--but it gets old fast.
During battle hell yell, Bring 'em on! I ain't done!", and he doesnt shut up when youre idle either, whining "Boring. Boring. BorIIING!" and Come on let's kill something NOW!" While enchanted weapons are usually valuable in Baldurs Gate II, Lilarcor isnt, despite being of reasonable quality. This is probably because he is REALLY ANNOYING.
All Daedric weapons from the Elder Scrolls series
Consider the following: to make Daedric weapons and armor in The Elder Scrolls games, one must bind the spirits of Daedra to the forging materials. Youd assume this would use up the spirit, like mixing eggs into cake batter and losing the chance to raise a lovely little chick like Joey from Friends. But Daedra are immortal. So, whats the horrifying implication of this? All Daedric weapons are alive.
In Skyrim, for instance, players create Daedric items by tossing Daedra hearts into the smithing process. This would be an inconvenience for all the poor Daedra would it not be for the fact each one exists in a Time Abyss, which means a thousand years is nothing. Although you might justifiably get a bit restless residing in a scabbard for five centuries, to Deadra its nap time. And death for them simply means returning to another realm to reform their bodies. Forging them is mutually beneficial: you get some of the most powerful and badass-looking weapons, all jagged ebony edges and glowing red filigree, and the Daedra get a nice little holiday. Everybody wins!
Reds Transistor greatsword from Transistor
Like in Bastion, the narrator in Transistor loves to natter. Unlike in Bastion, you can pick up this narrator and swing him over your head. Thats because hes a sword. The exposition-spouting weapon, resembling a kind of lavishly gilded giant microchip, belongs to Red. She was a famous singer in a city called Cloudbank until it was attacked by The Process, a robotic force commanded by a group called the Camerata. After being knocked unconscious in the clash, Red wakes up next to the mysterious Transistor, him smoking a cigarette with the smuggest look on his face (that last part may or may not be true).
Like any sentient sword worth its sentient salt, this weapon absorbs souls (or Traces) to gain specific Functions. One such Function is a voice, and Transistor uses it to speaks to Red almost like a lover. In fact, the first person killed by the Transistor is a man whose jacket Red wears throughout the game, so the Trace speaking is implied as Red's love interest. This is possibly a nod to William Gibson's Neuromancer, in which a person's mind can be stored on a hard drive. Except this particular hard drive is capable of chain-kills.
Four bio-weapons from Prey
Mercifully, the four living weapons in 2007 shooter Prey are the quiet type. First up is the energy-shooting Hunter rifle, whose secondary fire causes an appendage to attach itself to your eyeball and give you binocular vision. Next is the auto-cannon, a rapid-fire machine gun with multiple barrels complemented by an organic flak grenade launcher.
Speaking of grenades, crawler grenades are three-legged crab-like creatures that can be used in two ways: by ripping off all of their legs and throwing the explosive abdomen, or by ripping off just one leg and treating the crawler as a sticky proximity mine, which is as disgusting as that sounds. Pressing secondary fire makes Tommy flip the Crawler over, letting you select how to abuse it. Finally theres a rocket launcher that fires crawler-filled spheres of crustacean justice. Secondary fire on this bad boy vaporizes the crawler into a lingering cloud of acid that shields you from projectiles. Yuck.
Kanden's Volt Driver from Metroid Prime: Hunters
In Metroid Prime: Hunters on the DS, Kanden favours the Volt Driver because, well, who wouldnt want a gun that shoots hyper lightning? Thats a no-brainer. Theres nothing much to give away the fact this weapon is actually alive, shaped as it is pretty conventionally in the form of a firearm (as conventionally as mystic alien weapons can get, anyway), but the Scan Log refers to it as a living thing.
The butter-yellow Volt Driver, firing from a supply of universal ammo, turns magnetic fields into electric waves then uses these waves as projectiles. It was created as part of the Enoema Living Weapons project, and has since earned a fearsome reputation in multiplayer where players use it to distort the visors of others, annoyingly. During Hunters story, Samus finds a Volt Driver of her own in Data Shrine 02 of the Celestial Archives. Its not Kandens particular model, but a piece of tech that allows her Arm Cannon to mimic the Volt Drivers effects.
Marios power-flowers
Black-eyed flowers are staples of Mario games, first appearing in Super Mario Bros. as the now iconic Fire Flower. Uprooting the blooming fellow from his home soil lets you harness his power to throw fireballs. The plumbers plucked all sorts of plant life in his time: Ice Flowers appear in Mario Party 5 in the minigame Panic Pinball. Theres the Power Flower from Super Mario 64 DS which lets Mario float for a short period. Theres whats simply termed Flower in Super Mario Land, which allows Mario to turn into Superball Mario. In the Nintendo DS game Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time, Fire Flowers are referred to as Bros. Flowers.
And flowers aren't constrained to Mario platformers. In Mario Golf: World Tour, Fire Flowers increase shot distance and burn through obstructions, and in the Super Smash Bros. series they also spit fire themselves as held items. All four Animal Crossing games even let you purchase the Fire Flower as a furniture item. Thatll save on the heating bill.
Been hearing voices recently?
There a lot of games out there. Many of them contain weapons. Chances are some of these weapons are alive. And for some reason 'HIS ARM IS HIS WIFE' keeps coming to mind. Odd, that. So: Got any more you'd add to this list? Let us know in the comments.
And if you're looking for more, check out The 100 best weapons in games and The Top 7 silliest weapons in serious games.
