BLOG What Was R2-D2 Really Saying? Part XI



Once again, Artoo finds himself waiting around in the damp environs of the swamp planet, and he's none too happy about it. He beeps disconsolately to himself and turns to look at Yoda's cottage. Warm yellow light escapes the oddly-shaped windows to fight the gloom.

ARTOO (from outside the window) : It’s always bloody raining. Can I come inside this time? My dome will rust! How can I not fit in a tiny frog’s hovel and you can, eh Luke? It makes no sense!


The tip of a walking stick taps hesitantly across the earthen floor of the cottage. Our view travels up the stick to the small green hand that clutches it, and then to the familiar face of Yoda. His manner is frail, and his voice, though cheerful, seems weaker.

ARTOO (from outside the window) : Hey Luke. Don't forget to tell frog boy that Chewie says, "Hello." And that he owes him a new escape pod.
YODA: Hmm. That face you make. Look I so old to young eyes?

Luke is sitting in a corner of the cramped space and he looks sad. Caught, he tries to hide it.

ARTOO (from outside the window) : Er. Luke? There’s a bloody big lizard out here. I don’t want to get eaten like last time… Shoo, shoo!
LUKE: No... Of course not.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Yes, he does. He looks like a dried up bogey! This lizard is sniffing my bum!
YODA: I do, yes, I do! Sick have I become. Old and weak. When nine hundred years you reach, look as good you will not. Hmm?
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Shoo, shoo! Stop it!

Yoda chuckles, coughs, and hobbles over toward his bed.

YODA: Soon will I rest. Yes, forever sleep. Earned it, I have.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Earned it? You’ve been sat on your arse in a swamp for 20 years while the galaxy went to pot. Earned it? By the way I think the lizard is losing interest…

Yoda sits himself on his bed, with great effort.

ARTOO (from outside the window) : Yeah, it’s going away. Good lizard…
LUKE: Master Yoda, you can't die.
YODA: Strong am I with the Force... but not that strong! Twilight is upon me and soon night must fall. That is the way of things ... the way of the Force.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Ask him about your dad!
LUKE: But I need your help. I've come back to complete the training.
YODA: No more training do you require. Already know you that which you need.

Yoda sighs, and lies back on his bed.

LUKE: Then I am a Jedi?
ARTOO (from outside the window) “Then I am a Jedi.” Wah, wah, wah, I wanna be a Jedi! Just ask him about your bloody dad!
YODA (shakes his head): Ohhh. Not yet. One thing remains: Vader. You must confront Vader. Then, only then, a Jedi will you be. And confront him you will.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Sending the boy to kill his own dad? You Jedi are heartless bastards!

Luke is silent for a long moment, screwing up his courage. Finally he is able to ask.

LUKE: Master Yoda... is Darth Vader my father?
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Finally!

Yoda's eyes are full of weariness and compassion. An odd, sad smile creases his face. He turns painfully on his side, away from Luke.

YODA: Mmm... rest I need. Yes... rest.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Don't let him avoid the question! Ask again! This isn’t Lost !
LUKE: Yoda, I must know.
YODA: Your father he is.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : See! What have I been saying? Why does nobody listen to me?
YODA: Told you, did he?
LUKE: Yes.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Ask him why they want you to kill him! You’re just cleaning up frog boy and Obi’s cock-ups!

A new look of concern crosses Yoda's face. He closes his eyes.

YODA: Unexpected this is, and unfortunate...
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Unfortunate for you! Hah!
LUKE: Unfortunate that I know the truth?
YODA (gathering all his strength) : No. Unfortunate that you rushed to face him... that incomplete was your training. Not ready for the burden were you.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Hang on, a minute ago you were saying his training was complete. Having a senior moment are we?
LUKE: Well, I'm sorry.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : Don’t be sorry. They’ve been lying to you your whole life.
YODA: Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : But lying and scheming and sitting by while millions are persecuted is just fine…

Yoda beckons the young Jedi closer to him.

YODA: Luke... Luke... Do not... Do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor, or suffer your father's fate, you will. Luke, when gone am I, the last of the Jedi will you be. Luke, the Force runs strong in your family. Pass on what you have learned, Luke... (with great effort) There is... another... Sky... Sky... walker.
ARTOO (from outside the window) : He means Leia. Ask him about Leia…

Yoda catches his breath. A shiver runs through the ancient green creature, and he dies. Luke stares at his dead master as he disappears in front of his eyes.

ARTOO (from outside the window) : What! What happened? Where did he go? Has he become more powerful than we can possibly imagine? Ah, crap. The lizard is back…

Read all the previous What Was R2-D2 Really Saying? articles

Dave Golder
Freelance Writer

Dave is a TV and film journalist who specializes in the science fiction and fantasy genres. He's written books about film posters and post-apocalypses, alongside writing for SFX Magazine for many years.