If you haven't heard of Google Poetics, you need to go and check it out immediately. One of the coolest and most unexpected side-effects of modern internet use, the idea is that you drop a few carefully selected words into Google in the hope that the following lines of auto-suggestion will create an inadvertently poignant verse of poetry. It's a trial and error process, but when it works, it works unbelievably well.
So naturally, having become a big fan of the accidental art form, I thought I'd give it a go with video games. It took a good afternoon of furious typing, but eventually I got Google to compose these 15 beauties. All appear exactly as they came out of Google's search suggestions, with only slight tweaks to add punctuation and, in a couple of cases, combine several verses in order to create more affecting, longer-form works. I'm fully aware that Sonic comes up far more than he should, but for some reason his search terms turned out to be a never-ending source of quality material. Probably something to do with his disproportionate years of suffering.
Only a fool
Sonic always finishes first. Sonic always ruins the moment.
It's not easy being green
Luigi is better than Mario. Luigi is the pope. Luigi is dead. Luigi is gay.
Hero of darkness
Link is a girl. Link is a womanizer. Link is a jerk.
Link, is that your wang? Link, that is not underlined. Link, that is scary, Link, in that e-mail.
Link is left-handed. Link is hot. Link is a girl. Link is not ready.
Still waters
What does Dhalsim say? What does Dhalsim mean?
Existential breakdown in Los Santos
How does CJ die? How does CJ pay? How does CJ work? How does CJ get a girlfriend?
The night before Christmas
Sonic was once lost. Sonic, once upon a December. Sonic, once upon a dream.
Tomb of the unknowing soldier
Snake wants answers. Snake wants to eat owner. Snake wants to eat me. Snake wants to get out.
Playful propaganda
Science is awesome. Science is fun. Science is vital. Science is not your enemy.
Think before you jump
Goombas have souls too. Goombas have souls.
History repeating
Mario has the deepest lore. Mario has gone missing. Mario has a baby. Mario has done it again.
Processed blast
Sonic runs. Sonic runs away from Amy. Sonic runs too fast. Sonic runs, like an idiot.
Bolt from the blue
Hadoken is powered by love. Real Hadoken.
Training to be nothing
Why dont Pokemon die? Why dont Pokemon exist?
Positive thinking
Cant Shoryuken. Shoryuken, they can control it. Shoryuken, sure you can.
The lost world
Sonic was never good. Sonic was never about speed. Sonic, never turn back. Sonic, never too late.
Sonic, dont stop me now. Sonic, dont stop the party. Sonic, dont make me laugh. Sonic, dont stop believing.
Further reading
So that's what I came up with in a couple of hours. But how about you? Tried it yourself? If you've come up with anything particularly good, stick it in the comments for the rest of us to see.
Long-time GR+ writer Dave has been gaming with immense dedication ever since he failed dismally at some '80s arcade racer on a childhood day at the seaside (due to being too small to reach the controls without help). These days he's an enigmatic blend of beard-stroking narrative discussion and hard-hitting Psycho Crushers.
