50 Worst Movie Sex Scenes

Features
By published

Completely unsatisfactory

Showgirls (1996)

Body Of Evidence (1993)

The Scene: An erotica-free encounter between Madonna and, uh, Willem Dafoe. Further evidence that there’s nothing sexy about Madonna whatsoever.

Look Away When: Madge gets out the candle wax. Ouch.

Crank (2006)

The Scene: There’s having fun in public, and then there’s just publically showing off. Which is what Jason Statham and Amy Smart are doing in this very public shag sesh.

Look Away When: The Stath starts thrusting and the crowd starts cheering.

Hollow Man (2000)

The Scene: Newly-invisible scientist Kevin Bacon takes advantage of his invisibility by breaking into his sexy neighbour’s house and forcing her to have sex with him.

Look Away When: The invisible man starts messing with the dressing table mirror…

Swordfish (2001)

The Scene: Hugh Jackman gets orally pleasured as he attempts to crack a website. Meanwhile, John Travolta’s got a gun to his head.

Look Away When: Jackman starts going cross-eyed.

Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

The Scene: David Morrissey screws a pretty young blonde while imaging she’s Sharon Stone. We’re sure many men identify with him.

Look Away When: Morrissey purrs “turn around”.

Wild At Heart (1990)

The Scene: Ridiculously well-placed sheets attempt to keep Nicolas Cage and Laura Dern’s dignity intact. Instead, the complete opposite happens.

Look Away When: Cage starts growling.

Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song (1971)

The Scene: Truly disturbing. Director Melvin Van Peebles enlists 13-year-old son Mario to shoot a scene for his movie in which he has sex with a considerably older prostitute.

Look Away When: The film starts. This is deeply unsettling stuff.

Porkys (1982)

The Scene: Lassie (Kim Cattrall) gets down and dirty, and lets loose one of the most ridiculous orgasmic banshee cries we’ve ever heard.

Look Away When: Cattrall starts shrieking.

Color Of Night (1994)

The Scene: Bruce Willis and Jane March throw themselves around in a pool.

Look Away When: You think you’ve caught sight of Willis’ sausage.

Joshua Winning

Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.