Flypaper (1997)
The Scene: Meth lab worker Lucy Liu and James Wilder test out a new anti-venom by getting in a water-free pool filled with deadly snakes. Then having sex.
Look Away When: The pair copulate as narked snakes bite their naked bods.
Purple Rain (1984)
The Scene: Prince and Apollonia Kotero struggle to evoke even the tiniest flame of passion for their minute-long sex scene, which mostly involves the former rubbing the latter all over.
Look Away When: Prince starts rubbing his face in Kotero’s hair.
Miami Vice (2006)
The Scene: Colin Farrell and Gong Li get together in a shadowy bedroom, looking moodily at one another in a distinctly unsexy montage.
Look Away When: Li starts to cry.
Irrversible (2002)
The Scene: A nine-minute assault on the senses, as Alex (Monica Bellucci) is beaten to the ground and anally raped. Hideous.
Look Away When: Alex enters the underpass.
Demolition Man (1993)
The Scene: Sly Stallone’s defrosted action man discovers that sex in the future is all done via a strange little device. And there’s no physical contact whatsoever.
Look Away When: Sandra Bullock whips out the hardware.
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
The Scene: A ridiculously over-choreographed orgy that looks like something you’d find in a really smutty opera.
Look Away When: Naked people in masks start turning up.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
The Scene: Neo (Keanu Reeves) and Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) have sweaty cave sex as all the other Zion inhabitants pant and dance to delirious tribal music.
Look Away When: The dreadlocks start swirling. Enough already.
Wild Things (1998)
The Scene: Matt Dillon has a morally bankrupt threesome with Neve Campbell and Denise Richards.
Look Away When: Dillon grabs Campbell and Richards by the skull and forces them to kiss. Just. So. Wrong.
Kissed (1996)
The Scene: Sandra Larson (Molly Parker) locks herself in the morgue to do the nasty with a stiff. We throw up a little.
Look Away When: Sandra starts circling the dead body on the table. Trust us, you don’t need to see this.
Nowhere To Run (1993)
The Scene: Jean-Claude Van Damme’s first ever sex scene falls flatter than a joke about being thirsty at an AA meeting.
Look Away When: Van Damme gets his kit off.
