The Jordans (Happiness)
The Family: The Jordan sisters, all of whom lead thoroughly bizarre personal lives.
They certainly know how to pick their men…
Strangest Member: Bill Maplewood, husband of Trish Jordan, and a convicted paedophile.
A deeply troubled man.
The Fireflys (House Of 1000 Corpses)
The Family: A deranged mob of backwoods freaks, who take great pleasure in torturing any luckless souls who happen to cross their path…
Strangest Member: Dr. Satan, a horrific torture-fetishist with a penchant for skinning people alive.
Lovely fella.
The Browns (Buffalo 66)
The Family: The classic dysfunctional family, complete with angry, belittling father and glassy-eyed, head-in-the sand mother.
And then there’s the son…
Strangest Member: Billy Brown, who is so unwilling to return to the family home without a girlfriend on his arm, that he decides to kidnap a total stranger to play the part.
As you do.
The Burnhams (American Beauty)
The Family: The poster-family for corrupted suburbia, in which everyone hates everyone, and precisely nobody is happy.
Who’s to blame?
All of them, for various reasons.
Strangest Member: Leicester might be the one suffering a mid-life crisis, but daughter Jane is probably the most messed-up.
No wonder she falls for fully paid-up weirdo, Ricky Fitts.
Speaking of whom…
The Fitts (American Beauty)
The Family: Mum is dosed up to her eyeballs on drugs.
Dad is a violent homophobe with secret homosexual leanings.
Son is a videocam-toting stalker.
Happy familys, it ain’t.
Strangest Member: Ricky, who spends his time making movies of plastic bags.
Well-adjusted lad.
The Dynamites (Napoleon Dynamite)
The Family: A bizarre gang of misfits, comprising Napoleon, Uncle Rico, Kip and Grandma.
Their names alone should give you some idea of the level of normality we’re working with here.
Strangest Member: Unquestionably Napoleon, with his strange speech, bold dance moves and “kick me” appearance.
The Tenenbaums (The Royal Tenenbaums)
The Family: Royal Tenenbaum’s desperately unhinged clan, all of whom are profoundly unhappy on one level or another.
All of which bemuses Royal, and most of which is his fault.
Strangest Member: Chas, the tracksuit-sporting safety-obsessed financial genius of the family, who has sued his father two times and counting.
Mum & Dad (Mum & Dad)
The Family: The titular sadists and their brood of children / prisoners, who suffer a strict diet of sexual abuse and physical violence in the name of “family values”.
Horrible.
Strangest Member: Dad, the vile patriarch of this messed up clan.
If he asks you to “make him happy”, run.
The Sawyers (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
The Family: Leatherface’s flesh-eating brood of cannibal nut-jobs.
The last place on Earth you want to be invited round for dinner.
Strangest Member: Leatherface is pretty odd, but it’s the dessicated old Grandfather who always turns our stomach.
For goodness sake, somebody put him out of his misery!
The Addams Family (The Addams Family)
The Family: A relentlessly macabre (but actually quite good-hearted underneath it all) clan, with a penchant for all things ghoulish.
Blissfully unaware that they scare the living daylights out of everyone they meet. Bless.
Strangest Member: Cousin Itt, a shadow-dwelling oddball covered head to toe in densely impenetrable hair.
