Our long-time readers will remember a weekly column we used to run, a mischievous little scamp known as Trailer Trash, in which we mercilessly heckled the week’s most odious videographic drivel from our haughty tower of jaded idolatry. Because no one demanded it, Trailer Trash is back from the dustbin of obscurity to provoke, titillate and otherwise flaunt convention. Over the weeks ahead, we’ll be evolving the format, but rest assured gentle reader that we shall continually strive to bring you +1 lulz every Thursday. Without further ado, the trash:
Get quarantined! We’re willing to bet that the mysterious outbreak at Seattle Grace is nowhere near as interesting as the RE5’s Progenitor virus or L4D’s No Mercy campaign. At least the ESRB descriptor promises Mild Violence and Sexual Themes. Which poses the question: if you were about to die from the plague, which Grey’s Anatomy love muffin would you hook up with? Who would you direct Mild Violence toward?
Bayonetta vs WET vs Velvet Assassin
Above: Bayonetta story trailer
Above: WET trailer
Above: Velvet Assassin cinematic trailer
Vampy assassinettes, anyone? These three tomatoes are as sexy as they are lethal, and will be locked in a savage deathmatch for 2009’s dominatrix-fetishist dollars. While that certainly makes great trailer fodder, the resulting games may very well disappoint (see Bullet Witch, Onechanbara).
Night at the Museum 2: The Video Game
Night at the Museum 2: Battle for the Smithsonian, starring Ben Stiller and Amy Adams, is getting the videogame treatment. We’re not sure what’s more appalling, the loony caricatures (Napoleon sure was short! ZING!) or the zany anacrhonisms (General Custer on a motorbike? BOING!). Or maybe it’s the implication that children have no imagination and need to be force-fed craptacular edutainment to make history engaging.
Next page: DSi Ware eats poopsicles, and more caustic observations