See the Dragon Quest IX enemies that are armed with sex toys

Sometimes things in games accidentally resemble things they aren't meant to. Like the weapons being wielded by the Gum Shield enemies I recently encountered in Dragon Quest IX. Obviously they're meant to be armed with swords. But my eyes don't see them as swords. My eyes see them as big red dildos.

And they look even more wrong when you see them in motion:

Imagine meeting these bulbous-ended batons in a dark alley and having them waved belligerently in your general direction. Terrifying. Just looking at them made my character's eyes water. I decided to flee from the fight and spent the next hour searching in vain for a puff-puff club where my party could calm their nerves.

July 26, 2010


Sexy sexy WTF

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  • Cyberninja - July 26, 2010 8:43 p.m.

    i didnt notice when i was playing this when playing maybe your just dirty minded
  • Clovin64 - July 26, 2010 8:02 p.m.

    Theres no way that was a mistake. There is no way in hell that the character designers drew it, sat back and looked at it and said "Yep, that looks IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER like a shiny red dildo." Expose Level 5 for the sex-crazed pervets that they are Matt!
  • R3DRUN - July 26, 2010 7:37 p.m.

    When ever you hear the hum of a personal massage, its best for you be prepared for an ambush from behind. *omit are-ape scene.
  • Silvermech - July 26, 2010 4:49 p.m.

    Well, sex sells. And sex sells better when it's free and off the internet. I won't consider this as such until they use those things the way we would expect. And it's a good thing they won't.
  • IIBrownieII - July 26, 2010 4 p.m.

    LOL they are most peculiar for sure :) And yet another sex related article from matt cundy lol class
  • 510BrotherPanda - July 26, 2010 3:51 p.m.

    Of course it would be Matt Cundy to do another penis shaped object article. Has your picture file been filling up lately or something. Another article salad covered in Raunchy dressing.
  • crumbdunky - July 26, 2010 3:38 p.m.

    In a world where the height of gaming wit dictates we must find people saying Move controllers "look like dildos" amusing(even though they look NOTHING like any sex toy I've EVER seen and my missus mum works in a sex shop so we see a LOT of dildos)I think wondering about things in DQ9 that actually DO resemble wobbly, red placcy cocks is fair enough. Doesn't make me feel "dirty" mind-and certainly less scared than I would be of someone with something that really looked like a sword. Seriously guys I get that you don't fancy being sodomised(fair enough)but is it really as frightening as having yourself sliced apart with a fekkin blade? I'm off now to take a piss with my matte black, button encrusted cock which has a round bulb at the end which emits coloured lights which I can change hue at will-see no penis/dildo resemblance between...oh.
  • yonderTheGreat - July 26, 2010 3:29 p.m.

    Finally, a reason to play DQ! :)
  • bradmillow0 - July 26, 2010 2:58 p.m.

    I'm scared.
  • Hoody - July 26, 2010 2:46 p.m.

    Thats pretty hot
  • JPorFavor - July 26, 2010 2:27 p.m.

    Maybe it's an accident...?
  • Joshin69 - July 26, 2010 2:24 p.m.

    Mmm, tagged sexy sexy, wtf indeed. The real problem though is that i was intrigued, I had to look... I feel unclean.

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