Things in games that look a bit like penises

I've had a folder named 'Things in games that look a bit like penises' on my desktop for quite a while now. Over the course of several months it's been slowly filling up with game-related imagery that adequately fits thetrouser Denniscriteria. But having not found any new pictures for a while, I figured it was time to share the collection. This is it. Enjoy!

Metal Gear Ray's arm (Metal Gear Solid)

This is the one that got the ball rolling. I'd seen this image a hundred times before, but one day - purely by chance - I glimpsed it out the corner of my eye and thought "Hey, Metal Gear Ray's arm looks a bit like a penis." And it all just went from there really.

A pig's leg (Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat)

We ran this picture as part of our'Largest collection of monkeys in gaming EVER'article in March last year. Which shows how long I've been persevering with this. The minute I saw it, I knew I'd found another one for the folder - the front leg and trotter has all the characteristics of a penis.

A fleshy enemy (Cyber-Lip)

I was doing a spot of investigative journalism one day and it led me tothis page on Hardcore Gaming 101. I couldn't believe my luck. Not only was there a great image of a thing in old-school shooter Cyber-Lip that looked like a penis, but there was also this great advert:

The advert suggests that the man prefers to play with the virtual penis on-screen, rather than let the woman play with his own actual penis. No wonder she looks pissed!

Something? (Cho Aniki)

If you like weird Japanese games, then you may recognise this. I found the shot in a GamesRadar article aboutJapan-only PSN games. The thing that looks like a penis also looks like a genie. A genie-penis. Or a penis-genie. Rub your balls and he shall appear! I haven't played Cho Aniki, so can't confirm whether that is an actual gameplay feature.

Bouncy stuff (LocoRoco Midnight Carnival)

Possibly the least penis-looking one of the bunch. It's a bit lumpy. But I saw it from a distance and thought the shape had a certain phallus quality about it. If you're not convinced, this is what it looks like from a distance:

I do like the fact that it says 'Boing' on the screen. Boing is a word I would associate with penises.

Mara (Persona)

One of my eagle-eyed colleagues noticed that I had a 'Things in games that look a bit like penises' folderon my desktop and said, "You've got Mara from Persona in there, right?" I didn't, so was grateful for their suggestion.

And that's it. If anyone else can think of anything in a game that vaguely resembles a penis, please let me know. It'd be great to make a 'Things in games that look a bit like penises part 2'.


Above: Borderlands box art penis. Spotted by Tomsta666

Above: Rahu and Mishaguji penis heads from the Shin Megami Tensei series. Recommended by Jacob816

Great job - keep them coming!

April 22, 2010

Matt Cundy
I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.