Take it to the next level
For the sake of bypassing geek stereotypes, I'm going to assume that you, dear reader, have an awesome sex life. Good for you! But whether you spend your nights with a special someone, a revolving door of paramours, or only the finest of sensual body pillows (hey, it's still a sex life), there's always room to up your game. And why not let some of gaming's sexiest suitors deliver some tips?
After scouring hours of footage of these brawling beaus at work, I've discovered 13 video game moves that are SECRETLY sexy foreplay. Feel free to make adjustments where necessary to avoid grievous injury. Otherwise commit this tried and true advice to memory, and the next time you hop into bed with someone special, use these sexy foreplay moves to really level up.
The Gloria Strut
Now here's a way to make an entrance. When the honey you've been eyeing from across the spooky gothic castle finally aims their sights your way, impress them with some of your sexiest, most elaborate gymnastics moves. Pepper in some combat splits to show off how flexible you are, and don't underestimate the raw sexual energy of a backward handspring. Plus, nothing gets a guy hotter than watching a barely-clothed lady pound her stiletto through rancid, festering demon flesh, so don't be afraid to go hard. It won't be long til he fires off a few rounds of his own.
One of the sexiest things you can do is take your partner by surprise. When they're least expecting it, gently slam your weapon into their crotch, leaving them a defenseless heap - don't worry, it's okay to be forward. Then while they're down, give them a sensual kiss of death, literally sucking the life out of their body as they utter one last shriek of horror. You'll really take their breath away!
Raphael's Love Bite
Maybe a death liplock is too delicate for your taste, and you want something rougher. Try a little teeth, seductively grazing the nape of their neck with your canines, then chomp straight down on their carotid artery. The wetter the better, and your partner's moans/death rattle as you suck them dry will have sparks flying for the both of you (literally, in fact).
Soul Calibur Strip
Who says a bloody battle to the death can't be steamy? The next time you're in a brawl with a vicious opponent, heat things up by stripping off a bit of their clothing with each bone-shattering blow. Armor and fabric won't be able to resist your powerful strikes, and your partner won't be able to resist you as you bring them to a loud and passionate finish.
God Hand Spank
Has your opponent been naughty? Try some sexy punishment with a little God Hand and some spanking. Get them in the right mood with lightning-fast punches to the face and chest, then sensuously bend them over your knee and give them a few firm whacks. The harder the better - if you've done it right, expect your partner to launch across the room in sheer pleasure.
[Editor's Note: GamesRadar is not liable for any medical and/or legal expenses incurred as a result of attempting the God Hand Spank.]
Bayonetta Strip Tease
Get your partner's heart racing with a sensual private dance, then summon a demon of pure darkness to consume their soul. They'll love the view of your ample assets, particularly when your clothes magically fly off. So much so that they won't mind getting stripped in return. Stripped of their flesh specifically, by the hungry demon.
Try this move the next time your lover seems distracted after a hard day at work or too much blood loss. Using your sexiest strut, sashay over to your partner and turn their face toward you, running a hand across their cheek. Then, sensuously rip their head from their neck, giving them a deep, passionate face-gnawing, before flinging their now indistinguishable skull to the ground. Their last flickering neurons will go crazy with lust.
Hugo's Booty Bump
If you've got a fine behind, don't hold back: introduce your lover to it head-on. Turn and arch so your backside is on display, then hurl yourself, cheeks-first, directly at your partner's head. They'll be floored by your sexiness - and not just metaphorically.
Surprise your sweetie with a sly kiss before pulling them into a back-breaking shoulder throw. This one shows you have a playful side and can keep up with any love games they have in mind. Whether they're coming up for a bear hug or a rabbit punch to the back of the head, you can play sexy kitty and lay one on them before causing catastrophic injury to their spinal column. Meow!