Look, we've all had a tough week and the nightmarish release of the Sonic The Hedgehog movie trailer did nothing to help. In an effort to distract ourselves from his human teeth, skinny frame and lack of genitalia of any kind, we decided to argue over which video games really deserve the movie treatment. This is the latest in a series of big questions we'll be interrogating our writers with, so share your answers and topic suggestions with us on Twitter.
Can you imagine all the video game haters going in to watch a BioShock movie, hitting that "Would you kindly" twist and realizing that video games are more than capable of telling epic, intense storylines with ending surprises to rival the likes of Se7en and The Usual Suspects? That'll learn 'em. Aside from proving the haters wrong, the world of Rapture is prime for a horror movie remake. The splicers, the Big Daddies, creepy children playing the Little Sisters collecting ADAM with giant needles from corpses, plasmids, the underwater dystopia full of crazy characters... It's just got it all. Sam Loveridge
Hotline Miami clearly borrowed a lot from the movie Drive, and Hotline Miami 2 features an entire Apocalypse Now subplot - so why can't a feature film crib notes from these influential indie shooters in return? In place of high-speed chase scenes, you'd get a lot more animal masks and hallucinogenic introspection. Admittedly, it'd be tough to make a movie starring the mute Jacket, but I'd love to see a ridiculously violent grindhouse thriller following The Fans from Hotline Miami 2. Live-action would be one way to go, but I'm picturing a version of stylized, 3D-rendered realism akin to the Love, Death & Robots episode The Witness. It'll never happen, no doubt, but if you're itching for something similar, I recommend checking out Hobo with a Shotgun. There's nothing quite like watching Rutger Hauer blast evildoers with hot lead on the streets of a grimy hellworld. Lucas Sullivan
Vanquish is basically the most fun you can have with the premise of a B-grade action movie. Here's a quick primer for the unfamiliar: Russia melts California so America sends an ass-kicking engineer to space so he can kick Russia's ass in space. That ought to bring you up to speed. It's absurd and cliche and so amazingly stupid, and it works perfectly because developer Platinum Games doesn't take it seriously. The plot is just an excuse to put a bazillion evil Russian robots and the aforementioned ass-kicking engineer in the same room - the room being epic sci-fi environments. In space. You don't play Vanquish for the story, you play it for the breakneck gunplay, the over-the-top bosses, the slow-motion awesomeness, the freakin' jetpack knees. Vanquish revels in stupid plots, cheesy one-liners, and impossible action, and quite frankly that's all we've ever gotten from video game movies so I reckon they're a perfect match. Austin Wood
Think about a movie with all the visual abundance of Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, even more high-flying acrobatics, and the best argument for D-Box seating ever committed to film. That's what a cinematic adaptation of Gravity Rush could be. Sony's criminally underrated Gravity Rush series is set in a floating, kinda-sorta-steampunk world with an international "Nightmare Before Christmas-era Tim Burton after a night of drinking with Hayao Miyazaki" vibe. Main character Kat and her friends are funny people with dynamic powers that could hold their own against any cinematic Marvels. Speaking of which, Dusty the gravity-warping star-creature could easily go toe-to-toe with Goose for the title of Most Adorable Cat-Shaped being of Unimaginable Power. It would be perfect, but with how Gravity Rush and its sequel performed compared to the rest of Sony's recent slate of single-player exclusives, I may be waiting a while for the film adaptation. Connor Sheridan
A silver-screen showing of the tales of Corvo Attano in Dunwall would translate seamlessly to the big screen. The steampunk aesthetic and design would be incredibly stylish and chic; there are strong enough characters in all parts of the story; the journey and story Corvo goes on has the makings of a Gladiator-style rise; and the sense of place and atmosphere of the Dunwall and its environs, down to off-the-beaten-track locations such as Brigmore Manor and Slaughterhouse Row from the DLCs, ooze storytelling potential. A European-esque city suffering from a plague in a steampunk world, with wicked retro-futuristic technology, a society showing cruel distinctions between the well-to-do and everyone else, and all finished with a splash of dark magic - what’s not to enjoy? Plus it has a genuinely gripping twist that would be ideal for setting up a film’s climax. I’d wager audiences would be craving for more tales from The Empire of the Isles - luckily enough, there are so many story-worthy people and places in the Dishonored series. Rob Dwiar
Yes, technically speaking, the battle royale genre is itself based on the 2000 Kinji Fukasaku movie of the same name, which has also seen its own cinematic contemporary in the form of The Hunger Games, but Fortnite's light-hearted nature would endow its movie adaptation with something that all those movies lack; comedy. In an ideal world, this would be produced by The Lego Movie and Into the Spider-Verse's Phil Lord and Chris Miller, taking place across a single, extended match of Fortnite, and focusing on an underdog squad of four as they secure an unlikely Victory Royale through all manner of hilarity and mayhem. Naturally, there'd be a discussion to have about the age rating, given how many young kids would be desperate to go and see something like this, but I can't help but feel as though Fortnite: The Movie is a total no-brainer, and one that could actually work as 90 minutes of gorgeously rendered slapstick action entertainment. Alex Avard
Every video game movie wishlist must include Mass Effect in some shape or form; it’s actually the law. And who am I to argue? It’s got all the makings of a Hollywood blockbuster. There are massive galactic stakes. Romance, too. Things also explode at regular intervals, sometimes in blue, red, or green. Oh, and there’s a glut of merchandising opportunities that’ll make besuited executives very happy. These things alone don’t make it worthy, though. That honor goes to its layered yet accessible world. While it draws inspiration from franchises we already love, it takes the time to reforge them into something unexpected.
The Quarians are a great example. Although they fit the 'noble-culture-that's-fallen-on-hard-times' trope, the twist comes from their tragic living situation. They've been jetting around the uncontaminated vacuum of space for so long that their immune systems are completely out of whack. This gives them no tolerance to bacteria whatsoever, and they have to live in hermetically-sealed suits as a result. That means they can't even touch one another's skin without getting deathly ill. With complex moral quandaries like that underpinning everything, this is a universe with a strong, unique identity that could easily carry a film or two. Benjamin Abbott