It's December, which means those of us who are still desperately trying to keep our inner child alive while the world collapses around us truly go off the deep end. As we hang tinsel from every tree, corner, and limb, and force our pets into reindeer antlers while sobbing along to Mariah Carey, we also decided to ask our writers to design their very own Christmas game.
This is the latest in a series of big questions we'll be interrogating our writers with, so share your answers and suggestions for topics with us on Twitter.
Overcooked – but for wrapping presents
I hate wrapping presents. It’s the worst part of Christmas. As my soul slowly leaves my body and my physical form is lost in a swirl of tape, paper, and an awkwardly-shaped gift, I start to wonder how people can actually enjoy it. Then it hit me: Overcooked Christmas DLC. Swap the omelettes for overblown joke presents, tomatoes for tinsel, and gravy for glitter and I think we’re on to a winner. As Christmas Day nears, the presents get more and more complicated to wrap, and you’ve got to ration tape, tags, and the will to live. Even throw in some Papers, Please-style on-the-fly detective work by trying to figure out what present is best suited to what person in the later levels for some added depth. Wrapping presents has never been so much fun. Ever. Trust me. Bradley Russell
Build Baby Yoda plushies in Santa's Workshop
We all want them for Christmas, we aren't getting them until May, so I'd like to make a game where you can build scores of Baby Yoda plushies to be shipped out across the galaxy. Nothing screams capitalism like the hottest Christmas toy of the season, and you could push the game's capitalistic construct by pitting workshops against each other to see whose can boast the biggest output. I'd like to make sure that the workshops seems as un-sweatshop-y as possible, so maybe the Baby Yoda plushies are being created by repurposed Battle Droids or something. Wait, are they sentient? Ugh. This workshop business is tricky. Alyssa Mercante
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation but survival horror
You play Clark Griswold, a man driven to the edge. Your only weapon? A moose cup of eggnog you can use to spread Christmas cheer. A number of monsters will try to deplete your HP - Ho Ho Ho Points - including a rottweiler that vomits turkey bones, a mother in law who screeches inhuman sounds, and the boss, Frank Shirley. To find a way in the darkness you'll need to hang 25,000 twinkle lights, find a gift in the department store, and survive a squirrel attack. Maintain and share your Ho Ho Ho Points to win the game and have a merry Christmas with the family, lose them all and you'll be forced to murder every single last member and turn them into a festive jelly as you spiral into insanity. Rachel Weber
A Christmas tree farm sim
I've always been curious about how the pine trees that become Christmas trees are farmed and prepared, and I think a farming sim would be a cool way to explore the process. I'm thinking Stardew Valley meets Factorio. You spend the early days growing small lots of trees, expanding your forest, hiring employees, and finding buyers. Once you get off the ground, you can branch into more machine-driven elements like distribution and processing. How do you sort and price differently sized trees? What kinds of trees grow best under what conditions? How do you compete with artificial trees? Hell if I know, but it could make for a fun sim. Austin Wood
Bells in the Dark
My creation is a Christmas-themed hack of Blades in the Dark, a tabletop role-playing game by John Harper. Rather than playing as ambitious scoundrels in a dark and doomed post-industrial city, players take on the roles of elves, reindeer, and other holiday creatures. They emerge from their homes at the North Pole to execute Holiday Heists and Seasonal Scores, delivering gifts to highly secured locations or rescuing fey friends who have been captured by mundane government agencies and megacorporations. It could be tough to properly role play a reindeer, admittedly, which is why all the characters can use yuletide magic to take on human forms - except for good little children who automatically see through their disguises. I am totally planning on running this over the holidays. Connor Sheridan
Die Hard Of Rage
Everyone knows Die Hard is the best Christmas movie. Just as everyone knows Streets Of Rage is the best beat-‘em-up of the Die Hard generation. Therefore my very definitely festive, in-no-way contrived gaming idea is a straightforward (but incredible!) blend of the two. You’d play through the five films - even the unspeakably abominable Justin Long one - in a side-scrolling, goon-thwacking, Alan-Rickman-and-Jeremy-Irons-downing retro style. Circle to melee. Square to fire. L2+R2 to have Samuel L Jackson briefly appear and send opponents scurrying with an acerbic one-liner (move only available in the With A Vengeance levels). Because every Boxing Day needs a little yippee-ki-yay. Ben Wilson
Christmas Tree Decoration Simulator
Simulators are big business. You got your farm sims, your PC building sims, even your economy passenger flight sims. So, why not simulate the best part of the Christmas decoration process by letting players decorate their own virtual tree? Choose the size of your pine, pick out the length of your tinsel, decide which baubles will dangle on your monument to Christmas. The only disappointment is that you won't be able to scoff any of the chocolate deccies you have. Ben Tyrer
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