The 9 most ridiculous things in Jaws Unleashed

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Shark Week goes off the rails with 2006’s crazy masterpiece of awful

It’s also one of the most darkly hilarious games ever made - although we’re still not sure how much of the humor is intentional, given that a lot of it comes from the main character being an omniscient sea-beast that eventually learns how to use explosives and sabotage industrial machinery with its teeth. Are the terrified screams of mangled swimmers actually meant to be over-the-top to the point of camp? Were we supposed to derive endless amusement from tossing boat-rednecks around like chew toys?

1. THE BREAKOUT

From there, we’re tasked with exploring a peaceful cove and devouring some of the wildlife there. This being a Jaws game, it isn’t long before we’re introduced to our first humans, some of which have the temerity to insult us with their flimsy-ass shark cages.

This yields predictable results:

Jaws gets so worked up that he then goes on a tear around Amity Island, eating swimmers, collapsing dockside cafes and ripping up jetties to work through his aggression.

So, getting to the point: Jaws’ behavior just can’t go unpunished, so he’s captured by marine biologist (and hero of the last two Jaws movies) Michael Brody, and deposited in a tank at a Seaworld-like aquarium (clearly inspired by Jaws 3-D).

This is when things start to get weird.

Given the tools at your disposal, there’s only one possible course of action. And it’s one that no real shark would ever think to take, especially not a stupid asshole shark like Jaws.

After that brief bit of strangeness, Jaws is set free to roam the park, terrorizing tourists and exotic fish alike. And for a while, the game becomes a relatively grounded shark simulator again.

If you’re interested in seeing the rest of the rampage before moving on, it’s detailed in the following video:

Once he’s safely out of captivity, Jaws is hungry for a little revenge (on the human race, naturally). So he waits until nightfall, and then creeps through the gloom to the site of a beach party full of teens.

How did he know it was there? We guess it doesn’t really matter; what does matter is that the partygoers think it’s safe to go for a swim, thanks to an electric fence constructed to keep sharks like Jaws away.

Of course, they didn’t count on the game they inhabit being designed by crazy sadists. That’s why it’s possible for Jaws not only to understand the relationship between the fence and its nearby generators (which are on the outside of the fence for some reason), but also to know how to use that to his advantage.

Once he’s past the barrier, Jaws starts doing what Jaws does best, which is to say he hurts people and ruins things.

Once he’s wreaked enough destruction, we’re suddenly given a glimpse of an oil refinery way up on a hill, which you’re told to destroy somehow.

Around the same time, some rednecks pull up with a flatbed truck that’s conveniently been filled with dangerous-looking barrels, which they start tossing into the water.

These then explode shortly after they start to sink.

So there’s the situation. Now, if you’re Jaws, what do you do?

If you said “grab one of the lethal, exploding barrels that have set the water on fire in my mouth and then spit it at the waste pipe running down from the refinery,” then congratulations! You are probably one of the designers of Jaws Unleashed. You are also a danger to yourself and others and should be locked up.

Mikel Reparaz
Mikel Reparaz
After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.