Despite the porn star-like physiques of most game characters, sex and videogames don’t actually go together. Yes, we’re past the era of razor-sharp pixel nipples, but even the best visuals are just that: visual. Sex, simply put, requires touching. When holodecks finally happen, we have no doubt Cheerleader/Fireman Wrestling Orgy will captivate us so completely that society will grind to a halt and the human race will end. But until then, true sex and games just won’t completely mesh.
Above: You could cut yourself on those
Thankfully, there are a few developers out there determined to prove us wrong by dreaming up one spectacularly flaccid electronic satisfaction contraption after another. Unless you’re the type to be aroused by jumper cables and a blender, most of these will seem tragically un-sexy – but we’re thinking that’s better for your health anyhow.