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SCRIPTEASE Angel Season Two

The Reduced SFX Company presents the second series of Angel in handy bite-sized format


Once upon a time a vampire named Angelus got himself a soul, fell in love with a Vampire Slayer, realised their relationship was doomed and left town. Now Angel lives in Los Angeles (the City of Angels, geddit?) and runs a Private Investigation firm with friends Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn. He also broods quite a bit and uses too much poncy hair gel.


The SEASON ONE FINALE revealed that ANGEL will one day become HUMAN . Because of this AMAZING NEWS , ANGEL is now feeling a bit better about himself. But not much.

ANGEL : I feel like brooding today, but I might also smile a little and look fondly at my friends from time to time.

CORDELIA CHASE : Let’s hit a karaoke bar and get you singing!

ANGEL : [Sinks into a pit of despair]

The ANGEL INVESTIGATIONS team need a new base because their last one BLEW THE F**K UP . They find an old HOTEL which ANGEL used to know in the ’50s. Cue: FLASHBACK EPISODE .

JOSS WHEDON : Vampires were mysterious and secretive and therefore people used to think they were commies. See, my shows can explore real-life issues such as prejudice and paranoia even though they’re ostensibly about the supernatural!

ANGEL : Whatever. I just wish I didn’t have to wear so much Grecian 2000 in this damn flashback.

The FLASHBACK EPISODE ends and the team move into the vast, empty HOTEL .

CORDELIA : At least it’s got a nice colour scheme and some Art Deco touches going on. Beats a Travelodge any day.

ANGEL : I knew you’d love it. Now please excuse me, I have some brooding to do.

CORDELIA : I’m shocked and surprised.


ANGEL is being visited in his dreams by DARLA , the vampire who sired him. This makes her his MOTHER . The fact that these dreams are RUDE makes this ICKY .

DARLA : Hello, darling. Gimme a kiss.

ANGEL : Why am I so obsessed with you? I killed you ages ago and didn’t even give a damn! ...Of course, that might have been because nobody had given me an angsty backstory back then and I had no idea you were that important to me.

DARLA : Shut up and snog me.

ANGEL : You’re a saucy little mother, aren’t you?

When ANGEL wakes up, he BROODS .

CORDELIA : I’m getting so bored of this. You are the world’s most emo vampire, do you know that?

EDWARD CULLEN : Oh, just you wait.


The ANGEL INVESTIGATIONS team solve cases and save lives while tangling with an EVIL LAW FIRM named WOLFRAM & HART . These are the guys who have brought DARLA back from the dead and are ensuring she gives ANGEL naughty dreams. The two main players at WOLFRAM & HART are LINDSEY MCDONALD and LILAH MORGAN.

LINDSEY : I’m evil but I’m also conflicted.

LILAH : I’m evil but I’m also conflicted.

LINDSEY : We should get together.

LILAH : Naw. I’ve got my eye on that Wesley guy.

LINDSEY : Yeah, and I think Darla’s a hottie.

LILAH : It’s a pity, though. We’d make a good couple.

LINDSEY : Wanna play with my fake hand for a while?

WOLFRAM & HART are dastardly and corrupt. This is a theme that continues throughout the entire series.

JOSS WHEDON : Lawyers are more evil than any supernatural creature ever. See how I like to reflect real life in my shows?

ANGEL : Er, I’m sleeping with my mother. Please don’t say that.


ANGEL eventually goes a bit MAD because of the whole DARLA THING . He fires his team and BROODS even more than usual.

CORDELIA : Let’s set up our own firm! At least then we won’t have to deal with Broody McBroodyson.

WESLEY : I don’t think we’ll do very well without having a vampire to protect us. [Gets shot by a zombie cop.] I rest my case. Also, ow.

Meanwhile, ANGEL has BROODED HIMSELF INTO A CORNER . He ends up SLEEPING WITH DARLA in real life. This leads to him having an EPIPHANY . [And no, that’s not a euphemism for anything rude.]

ANGEL : I’ve realised the error of my ways! I’ve sunk so low the only way is up! I must reunite with my team and tell them how sorry I am for being such an ass!

CORDELIA : Oh, it’s you. Why are you apologising all of a sudden?

ANGEL : I had an epiphany.

CORDELIA : Ew, gross. And wasn’t it with your mother? Ew, grosser!

ANGEL : It’s not a euphemism.

WESLEY : It bloody well is.

GUNN : Damn straight.

CORDELIA : That’s so icky.

ANGEL : Chill out! It’s not like I got her pregnant or anything!

CONNOR : Oh, just you wait.


DARLA teams up with CRAZY DIPPY VAMPIRE DRUSILLA . They go on a RAMPAGE , kill lots of WOLFRAM & HART lawyers and, er, GO SHOPPING . ANGEL sends them packing.

ANGEL : Right, that’s the vampire threat out of the way! Now to deal with those lawyers...

LINDSEY : I cut my hair and lost my evil mojo. I need to go off, grow it again and come back eviller. Bye!

ANGEL : Wait, we’re only two-thirds of the way through our season and all our main antagonists have left! What now?

LORNE : Hello, I’m green and sing karaoke and come from an alternate dimension. Fancy exploring it with me?



The ANGEL INVESTIGATIONS team get up to all sorts of nonsense on the world of PYLEA where HUMANS are slaves and VAMPIRES can wander around in daylight.

ANGEL : Wow, now I can see myself properly in a mirror I’ve realised how much hair gel I use! No wonder Spike made fun of me! Also, I wear way too much black for my complexion.

LORNE : Try having green skin, honey. Now that’s difficult.

They find a SLIGHTLY INSANE WOMAN named FRED living in a cave.

WESLEY : You’re kind of adorable. [Covets her]

GUNN : Isn’t she just? [Covets her]

FRED : Can I go home now? Wibble! [Is oblivious to male attention]

ANGEL : Hmm, I wonder if this could be a love triangle in a future season...

CORDELIA : Look, I snagged myself a burly warrior named Groo!

ANGEL : Good for you! And, unlike our friends, this won’t result in a love triangle because we don’t fancy each other. Wouldn’t that be awkward?

CORDELIA : Can you imagine that?

ANGEL : Ha ha ha!

CORDELIA : Ha ha ha!

JOSS WHEDON : Wait a minute, I’m getting an idea... [Does the dance of joy]

ANGEL : Let’s go home. I’m feeling quite happy and jolly.

They go home. They find WILLOW waiting for them with the news that BUFFY is DEAD .

ANGEL : Engaging ‘brood’ mode.

CORDELIA : Oh well, back to normal! But at least your hair looks better now.

Script by Jayne Nelson.