Megan Fox Naked!
We’re barely 2 seconds into the Red Band trailer for Jennifer’s Body and already we’re getting a gawp at the scene where Megan Fox swims in her birthday swimsuit.
This scene is a lot creepier than the paparazzi pictures of Megan Fox leaked last year suggested.
Fox looks sinister here, like a shark gliding through the water. Nice opener.
Kill The Cheerleader
Diablo Cody says: “In Jennifer’s Body, the horror aspect is a way of expressing realistic emotions of jealousy and love and pain that I had as a teenager. It’s the dark side of teenage girls.”
Sounds like Cody had a bit of trouble with some pom pom girls during her high school years.
Because as anyone who watches American telly will tell you, girls don't get much darker than cheerleaders.
They're either bitches, gossips or vampire slayers. FACT.
The First Seduction
Our first gawp at Megan Fox’s cleavage – it seems to be a pretty major selling point for the movie for some unknown reason.
Says Diablo: "Horror is inherently tacky, it’s a garish genre, which is why I love it."
So, you know, fair enough.
Megan Foxs Body
It’s starting to feel like this Red Band trailer is what the pause button was invented for – target market, teenage boys.
Which is fine, but how about a bit of horror to go with the skin scenes?
Not that we're complaining, mind you.
Don't Fancy Yours Much...
Ah, okay, good, there we go. Megan is some sort of monster thing. Excellent.
Is it just us or does Megan Fox in full demon mode look like a young Madonna?
No wonder Guy Ritchie divorced her if this is what happened every time they went for a picnic.
Winona Ryder is constantly banging on about the possibility of a Heathers 2.
This scene - featuring a half naked quarterback dying in the woods - suggests that Cody got there first.
It looks like a homage to the fake double-suicide bit to us, anyway.
"I thought about the sort of terrifying, aggressive teenage bullies that I had known in my life - ones that made my blood run cold when I was younger.
I started to kind of imagine them as literal monsters, and that's when I started, it turned out to be really inspiring," says Cody.
And if this shot is to be believed, An American Werewolf In London was pretty inspiring too.
Amanda Seyfried plays our hero Needy Lesnicky.
According to Cody, Amanda contributed a lot to her character.
"Amanda, I think, in a way created Needy.
Because I always saw Needy as being very nervous and submissive, but then Amanda comes in and she brings this humble quality to the character.
And she's such a lovable person - you root for her. That's important."
Johnny Simmons makes his first appearance.
And the same audience that sees him play Needy's mate Chip Dove in this will also watch him as Young Neil in Scott Pilgrim Vs The World next year.
Geeks, basically. Or, to put it another way, us.
Fox gets her demon on again, but this time it's her weird snake eyes that are the main clue to her satanic nature.
Which is a bit more subtle than the slobbering bear-trap jaw she was sporting earlier.
We hope that the chap she's currently staring at is tough enough to fend her off.
It's Not Okay
Oh no, it's an emo. Not the first high school group we'd turn to during a ruck.
That lip ring looks like a health hazard to us, especially when Jennifer's around...
Quick, emo kid, get out your self-harm knife and fend her off, or you'll never listen to My Chemical Romance again!
In For The Kill...
Too late, emo boy let Megan get too close.
She's about to twist his arm, wrestle him to the ground and send him to his maker.
Never mind, kid. We're pretty sure they've got eyeliner in heaven.
"I need you hopeless," Megan hisses after she's trapped emo boy.
Sounds like the beginning of a long-term relationship to us...
Says Cody: "I think this is an important film for teenage girls to see because I think they are underrepresented in cinema.
So if they can go and see it and see themselves as heroes and villains - that's good."
Got A Light?
We've heard of having an acid-tongue, but a flame-licker?
Still, this is an awesome shot.
We have absolutely no idea why she's setting her own tongue on fire. Probably because it looks cool.
And, there's clearly something really wrong with us, but this is by far the hottest moment so far in the trailer.
Not that we're going to get our girlfriends to recreate it any time soon. Why? Well...
Don't Try This At Home
Megan learns the valuable lesson that if you hold a lighter to your tongue, you'll probably regret it when you start to smell your own cooked mouth-meat.
Our nans told us that years ago.
And, yes, we're still finding this a lot sexier than we probably should.
"You need a mani bad, Jennifer says. "You should find a Chinese chick to buff your situation."
Yep, Diablo's trademark witty banter is present and correct. It worked in Juno, but in a horror flick?
Says Cody: “I think some of the later Nightmare films got pretty bizarre, at that point Freddy had stopped being a shadowy boogeyman and had become this stand-up comedian. And you rooted for him, it kind of switched the perspective. So it was corny but really cool.”
We don't know about you lot, but whenever girls start lighting satanic candles in basements that make Hostel look like a hotel, it kind of ruins the mood.
But it doesn't seem to have put off whoever Jennifer's riding in this bit. We bet he wants to carry on, even when she starts tearing the flesh off his throat. Pervert.
We're expecting a lot of gore from this one. But we reckon this shadow show is the closest we'll get to an actual nude scene.
Trailer Goes Boom!
Finally, an explosion. This trailer had literally everything else on our 'cool' checklist, now we can tick this one off, it's a bingo!
Megan Fox has been around so many explosions, we imagine this was her most soothing day on set.
There's probably a bit more feminist subtext in Jennifer's Body than there was on Transformers 2, though.
Megan Fox In Her Underwear
Okay, so we've just cut from an explosion to a scene featuring Megan Fox bouncing around in her underwear.
Maybe we are watching Transformers 2, after all.
Says Cody: "It's just a throwback to the movies I loved in the '80s: teenagers in peril, blood and fun, I think."
Megan Fox hunches over for the trailer's coolest moment, looking like a girl Gollum hanging out with a jock Sam.
She's creepy, she's menacing she's... attractive?
Yep, we still fancy her. We really need to get ourselves to our local therapy clinic, we're starting to worry about our taste in women.
Where's Wolf? Here!
OC star Adam Brody as the awesomely named rock star Nikolai Wolf.
Says Cody: "I actually thought it would just be hilarious to take a band that was like super wussy and super-mom-friendly and poppy, and then have them secretly be satanic assholes."
Drag Me To...
"I thought you only murdered boys," says Needy.
"I go both ways," replies Jennifer, in the most Drag Me To Hell moment in the trailer.
And Drag Me To Hell's probably the first thing you'll think of after watching this trailer.
Jennifer's Body looks like a rollercoaster ride that doesn't take itself seriously, just like Sam Raimi's insta-classic.
Let's just hope Cody's trademark dialogue isn't too distracting...