The cake is nigh!
What better way to commemorate your bold escape from a fully functioning human orifice than with plenty of cake, cards, and eye-stabbing headwear? Birthdays, eh? Aren't they just great? For one solitary day a year every single man, woman and child on earth (probably) gets to do absolutely everything they want, all day, irrespective of social stigma, better judgment and stringent anti-nudity laws. Actually scratch that last bit; the police weren't nearly as understanding as I'd hoped
Mario and friends opt for some unusual fancy dress
When did the Super Mario Bros. become so darn popular amongst drunken students? It's gotten to the point now where you can't even walk two blocks of a college campus--or three streets around university--without running into some kind of sloshed up reveller rocking the famous cap and coveralls. I wonder what the portly plumber himself would make of all this and, more to point, what he might wear in their place?
Scorpion sulks at a no-show house party
Poor old Scorpion, he's been quite literally 'down in the dumps' as of late. First he suffers the loss of his entire family--in a freak ninja storm, no less--the next he's serving evil Quan Chi as a hot-headed errand boy. As his sworn enemy Sub Zero might attest: "that is simply not cool". No Mr. Zero, it very much isnt.
John Marston takes all of the fun out of laser tag
Everybody knows someone who enjoys the sweet sound of their own voice. Likewise, most folks can lay claim to a couple of chums who love nothing more than to propose fun-filled adventures for one. That is to say--activities only they find enjoyable the utter bastards. "Oh, you're not into North Kensington shoegaze music, well that's just too bad, we're still going to the 8-day festival". " Brittle bones you say? I'm afraid the jiu jitsu tournament is already booked, and this black belt isn't just going to bloody itself ".
Dead Rising's Mr. Greene chucks up his guts on a pub crawl
If I had a [small amount of regional currency] for every person I'd heard tell of the life-affirming effects of alcohol, well then I'd have 6 units of that particular currency... In the case of Dead Rising's Chuck Greene however, 'Big alkies' shameless propaganda actually turns out to be true. You see, by glugging a mug full of ale or taking a big ol' swig of cider, Chuck can quickly restore massive amounts of spent health. Doing so in large enough quantities will even result in all of the usual hallmarks of inebriation--slurred speech, stumbling gait and an newfound appreciation for deep fried gristle.
Nathan Drake runs himself ragged in the funhouse
So what if his only friend is a surprisingly spry 60-year-old? Nothing's gonna stop Nathan Drake from enjoying another big ol' birthday bonanza. All the better where a classic funhouse party is concerned. No more waiting your turn, dodging sprogs, or 'accidentally' kicking that one kid parked right under the slide. Eat foot Timmy.
Tidus ruins the movie for everyone with a trip to the cinema
When it comes to discussing the sad, slow death of the cinema, movie execs point to piracy like a freefalling Keanu Reeves grasping at a spare 'chute. Here's an alternate theory. Ready? Then here goes. People are really, reaaaally annoying, so much so in fact that most of us will do absolutely anything in our power just to avoid sitting in a crowded room with them. By visiting your local cinema, you're essentially betting a huge chunk of change than none of these other grazing gasbags will decide to misbehave.
Batman chows down on a ready meal for one
Unsurprisingly, Gotham's dark knight detective doesn't have all that much time for close friends, what with the ever-present threat of chattering teeth bombs and shattered spines awaiting his next bosom buddy. Sure, he may have a whole bat-family of allies to call upon, but do any of them really stick around for the post-op tea and biscuits? Would he even let them?
