“Characters are sometimes depicted topless for prolonged periods of time”: Dragon Age The Veilguard’s ESRB rating deserves its own ESRB rating

BioWare's desperately anticipated fourth Dragon Age installment, The Veilguard, won't be out until October 31, but it seems that the action role-playing game might have already received a summons to horny jail. According to its ESRB rating, Dragon Age: The Veilguard could even manage to reach Baldur's Gate 3 levels of erotic. 

"This is a role-playing game in which players assume the role of a warrior (Rook) trying to defeat corrupt ancient gods from [destroying] the world of Thedas," explains ESRB's summary for its "mature" Dragon Age rating. In the process of protecting Thedas, Rook — who is completely customizable, from their class to their pronouns — will apparently elect to be super shirtless. 

"Characters are sometimes depicted topless for prolonged periods of time (e.g., character customization) and/or during love scenes," the ESRB summary continues. Then, like the dutifully sexy Dragon Age games before it, The Veilguard will also feature characters hooking up in their downtime. As fans of the series certainly know by now, for some people, chopping up enemies with a sword is a major aphrodisiac. 

"The game contains some sexual material," confirms the ESRB, "characters kissing, moaning, and straddling each other; characters caressing each other while in their underwear; dialogue referencing sex (e.g., 'Think about us having sex'; 'Are you trying to have sex with me?')."

And, most scandalously, "The word 'f**k' appears in the game," ESRB notes.

But fans aren't perturbed by The Veilguard's hedonism. They've had the opposite reaction, actually. "Hearing Emmrich moan is a need, I’m afraid," said one fan on Twitter. "Manifesting."

"Let's get straddling, fellas," declared another. Yes, if you find yourself into the "cries of pain" and "bloodstained torture devices" the ESRB also references with respect to combat, Dragon Age: The Veilguard could be a really good time. 

I spent nearly 7 hours playing Dragon Age: The Veilguard and would like to spend 100 more in this RPG right now, thank you very much.